An Encouragement.

God Will Direct Your Steps
(Proverbs 3: 5-6)


MAN/WOMAN: "I can't do it"GOD: You can do all things 
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

(Phillipians 4:13)

MAN/WOMAN : "I'm not able"GOD: I am able 
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.
(II Corinthians 9:8)


MAN/WOMAN: "It's not worth it"GOD: It will be worth it 
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
(Romans 8:28)


MAN/WOMAN : "I can't forgive myself"
GOD: I forgive you 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
(I John 1:9)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
(Romans 8:1)


MAN/WOMAN: "I can't manage"GOD: I will supply all your needs And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.(Phillipians 4:19)


MAN/WOMAN: "I'm afraid"GOD: I have not given you a spirit of fear 
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
(II Timothy 1:7)


MAN/WOMAN: "I'm always worried and frustrated"GOD: Cast all your cares on me 
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
(I Peter 5:6-7)


MAN/WOMAN: "I don't have enough faith"GOD: I've given everyone a measure of faith 
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
(Romans 12:3)


MAN/WOMAN: "I'm not smart enough"GOD: I give you wisdom 
And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption,
(I Corinthians 1:30)


MAN/WOMAN: "I feel all alone"God: I will never leave you or forsake you 
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
(Hebrews 13:5)


- Ed Archaletta (a Sunday school teacher)

A New Day One.

I started today with good intentions. I ended with a mini-victory.

Really. I did. I was going to go to the gym. After a number of distractions (Amazon has some great $5 MP3 downloads if you are looking for a distraction of your own) I did make it to the gym. But a little note to self, make sure the mp3 player is charged next time. Next thing I know, the HUGE high school football team was downstairs practicing. VERY LOUDLY! Like, they have to yell and clap and grunt at everything. Everything. 

And they did not want me to have the gym radio on. 

Because it was a distraction.

Today's goal was to sit on that dang bike for an hour. 

I made it half way before I had a raging and scream induced headache.

But long before that, as I was driving to the gym, a thought came to me.

  Every day is a new day one.

That is officially my mantra for the first leg of my journey towards being the best version of me that I can. So while today did not turn out according to plan, I can start over tomorrow. Tomorrow may be better. Or it may be worse. But it is out there waiting to start. The thought of that makes today seem better than it was. 

But friends, I exercised today! I went to the gym and sat on a bike for a half hour! That is a half hour longer than yesterday. And that is a good first step.

Yay me!

A New Blog Post.

Today is one of those days where I have half a million things to say and nothing to say at the same time.

Today I found out that a old friend decided to do the honest thing and take the plea bargain.
Today I found out that a friend is recovering from major heart surgery.
Today I found out that a friend's father is very sick.
Today an old friend broke my heart for the millionth time.
Today I am getting a little crush.
Today I spent time with someone who I hope will be a good friend to me.
Today I felt like a fat mess.
Today I realized my finances aren't quite as good as they should be.


Today was a crazy day. But it wasn't at the same time. Sometimes on rough days at work when someone asks me what I am doing I tell them over the walkie-talkies that I am "living the dream." Is this what living the dream feels like? Having a lonely personal life? Having a job that leaves you stressed and physically hurting? Not being able to find a balance between making ends meet and having fun? It is so discouraging.

It is days like today when I am especially thankful that I have Jesus.

If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't have the glue that binds my broken heart back together again.
If I didn't have Jesus, I would hate to live in a world where good people can get very sick.
If I didn't have Jesus, I would not have the hope of future love and solid friendships.
If I didn't have Jesus, I would only see in me what I see when I look in the mirror.
If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't get the chance or motivation to learn a lesson.

So my dear friends, I am going to say good night. I need to spend time with my Jesus.

A Downward Spiral.

No. I am not going to complain about laundry (today). I just want to talk about a horrible pattern that I have. 

DAY 1: I think I look a little bigger than I did last month...

DAY 2: I  decide that I should think about maybe exercising and watching what I eat and stuff.

DAY 3: I develop a plan. 

DAY 4: I go out and spend upwards of $30 on a very cute exercising outfit. 

DAY 5: I put on said outfit. 

DAY 6: I exercise.

DAY 7: I decide that I looked far too fat and ugly in said outfit. So I don't exercise.

Dude. Not only is this cycle completely unfruitful, but it is pretty darn expensive as well. I end up gaining weight (well, you don't loose it from not exercising) and a closet full of clothes I don't feel comfortable in. 

I've kind of been convicted by downward spirals lately. I have a few of them. Exercising and eating well is most definitely one of them. We'll focus on that one today. Is it right for Christians to have downward spiraling patterns like this?  I kinda don't think so. 

Specifically, this particular downward spiral of mine is not. It is not "unChristian" to want to lose weight. That is soooo not the issue here. The issue is that I think I am not even good enough to try. I am so self conscious that I don't even want to work out in front of anyone. This attitude is not Christ like. 

I should be willing to present my weakness to the world so that they may see me made strong in and through Christ. I don't even give Christ a chance. Folks, I am missing out on some pretty awesome stuff because of my foolish pride. I may not feel beautiful every day of the week, but Christ sees me as this beautiful woman. Can't I do it for Him instead of worrying about little things like being comfortable in my own skin. 

It may sound weird, but I don't want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want my own skin to make me so uncomfortable that I want only what God has for me and that internal (and potential for external) beauty that will come with it. That is the goal. :) 

A Value.

I must start this entry by saying (nay, confessing) that I am a paying member of eHarmony. I am not sure if that will change your opinion of me. I am sorry if it does. Someone once told me that they don't know anyone lame enough to join eHarmony. Well, I, for one, know that I am not lame. I am pretty stinking fantastic. Very few people care to realize that though. Their loss.
Anyways, on to the topic at hand. A nice man from Florida asked me (pretty sure it was one of eHarmony's pre-selected questions) what were three things that I had to offer in a relationship. Ask yourself that question, single or otherwise. What are three things you have to offer anyone? Why would someone want to be in a relationship with you?
I had a lot of trouble with that question. It is not that I think that there is nothing about me that anyone could be persuaded to want. What made it hard for me is that I have all of these dreams and expectations for the kind of man my husband will be. Before the last couple days I have never taken the time to think about whether or not I am the kind of woman he dreams me to be. This question made me consider that.
Beyond the confines of a relationship that doesn't exist yet, what gives my life value? What makes me special? Why should people be my friends? I was (and am, I suppose) convinced to to let the lack of answers throw me back into a funk. It ain't gonna happen, ya'll.
 Here are a few things I know:
~I know that I have value. My relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ gives me that.
~I know that true value is that which is permanent. Environment is ever changing, but real value is always there.
~I know that what other people see as value is not something that I may notice. Or want to be valued for.
~I know that value may be known before it is seen. I learned that from the phenomenon of "didn't-know-what-you-had-til-it-was-gone" syndrome.


Here are a few things to think about:
~People may value physical beauty, but that can diminish. (Correction: I don't think that beauty ever goes away, people just stop seeing it for awhile.)
~People may value material wealth, but we all know that can disappear.
~People may value ability, but that can be taken away.


WHAT DO WE VALUE THEN?? Do we sit around waiting for someone else to see our value? Personally, I think it is more important to know that we have value than to have anyone to see it. A beautiful trillium doesn't cease to be beautiful just because it grows in the forest where people may not ever see it. I heard a saying once that a woman is most beautiful to others when she thinks she is beautiful when she looks in the mirror. I think it may be the same with value. Maybe people value us more when we see ourselves as valuable.

What do you think?

A Construction Zone.

So last night I was driving down Hwy 29 and, as often is the case in Wisconsin, I hit some road work.

For those who don't know me, I am essentially blind at night. I can see well enough to drive normally, but cones throw me off.

I was literally flipping out last night. I didn't know whether I  was on the right side of the cones. I really was genuinely confused.

I know, I know. It seems like a little thing. But then I got to thinking. That really matches my life right now. Life is a highway, right? We come through patches where the highway has to change to get us to the right final destination. I feel like I am in life's construction zone right now. But I don't know which side of the road I am supposed to be on!

There is something worth avoiding on either side of the road and I can't see the end either way. Pastor Engle gave an illustration once about a swimmer who was trying to swim the English Channel (I think). On the day of the event it was foggy. The swimmer swam her heart out but she got to a point where she couldn't do it anymore. Her friends and family in the boat next to her tried to encourage her to keep going, but she couldn't. I think she was cold, if that is applicable. Well, she gives up and it turns out she was super close to shore. She was quoted as saying, "If I could have seen the shore I would have kept going."

Doing something is so much easier if you can see the end result. But why is it that the things truly worth doing never have an answer key?

Just something that frustrated me today.

A Leaf is Turning.

Okay, I am either REALLY bad at blogging or just undedicated to it. Probably a mix of both. Ack. I am starting a collaborative craft blog so I figured I should start to keep this one up again, lol.
Since I last wrote....

*I graduated from NTC with an Associates Degree in Human Services and Certificates in Communication, Psychology, Substance Abuse Education and Human Services.
*I lost some weight.
*I received about six job rejection letters. I am not really sure because I stopped counting after three. Then I got two from the place of my current employment. Which is fun.
*I gained some weight back.
*I am no longer gluten free. While that helped, it was not the all encompassing solution that I thought it would be. Still have the issues. Doc still has no explanation. Which is fun.
*Sister, Kim, gets married next week. Things have been busy. Super excited for her!
*I bought a beautiful, wonderful queen size bed. I seriously love it more than I expected to ever love a bed. I think maybe that is not healthy.

I am sure that a lot more mundane things have gone on in my life. I haven't really been doing much with my life lately.

It is kinda more like life is doing a number on me. I have been in this epic funk since shortly after graduation.I have struggled with Depression before, but this was worse than it ever was before. I struggled in just about every aspect of life. Happiness. Contentment. Drive. Mood. Desire. Friendship. It has been awful. I think what has made me loose interest in so many things is that my relationship with Christ has been really difficult lately. I have been to the point where I honestly thought that going off the deep end (drinking, drugs, sex...etc) would be easier and more natural for me. I thought maybe if I did something crazy it would fill in the emptiness that my life had. I didn't, thankfully. I have seen the side-effects of those choices and I don't want that for my life. I don't know how life got so empty for me. It was like a slow fade, like that song says. (I love Casting Crowns. Until The Whole World Hears) Inch by inch I let sin and a sinful attitude gain control of my life. I have been doing so much better the last few weeks, but there are things that I am holding on to. I know how bad that is.

It really struck me as I was reading Lord of the Rings. I detested that book. With each turn of the page and each little diddy in Elvish, I detested it more. But I read it all. All 500 some pages. People, I struggle to pick up the Bible. I don't have a burning desire to read it. I know I should. I want to. But I am not dedicated to the idea. I wish I had someone to keep me accountable in that area, but I don't. It just really convicted me that I could read some loooong, odious book that I detested and somehow struggle when it comes time to read the Bible everyday. The Bible. The Book that tells the story of my salvation and the God that I love. There is something seriously wrong with me.

I know I am taking a risk in barfing all this deep stuff onto my blog. But I guess I am hoping to gain some accountability through doing it. Blog world, I am a Christian. I need to claim that and live that. Pray for me!