A Crazy Life??

FAIR WARNING: This post is a 100% pure vent session.

What constitutes being "crazy"? (Now, don't get in a tizzy...i don't mean mental illness. You know me better than that.) 

A student can work two jobs to get through school. A single mom works constantly to support her family.

And yet, I'm crazy. 

I am 23 years old. I just graduated from college in May. There are no jobs in my field. Any non-field jobs are part time, minimum wage with no benefits. I still live with my family. And I work three jobs. 

You can't land on your feet if you don't jump...right? So why are people all up in my business telling me I am insane for trying to get to a point where I can get a full time with benefits job? Life simply can not start until I have some kind of stability....and beyond sleeping in the bedroom across the hall from my parents, I don't have any. 

Do I resent that? Heck yes. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that my parents are willing to help me out and put up with me living there. But I have worked so hard. I have put myself through college with zero debt. I go to work everyday of the week. And I have nothing to show for it. 

So please. Don't call me crazy for doing what I am doing. Don't tell me how tired I should be. Don't tell me that finding a job sucks. Don't talk to me about the economy. Don't tell me how corrupt insurance is. Don't tell me how hard it is to get life started.

Because I know.

I have this running thing at job #1 where I say "I did that because I am awesome." Everyone thinks I am joking. But I am not really. I need to remind myself that I have the potential to be Superwoman. I need to encourage myself...because everyone is so obsessed with how insane I am that they forget that I am just a girl trying to make it. 

Am I really the only one that still has faith that I will?
It sure feels like it. 

I'll be fine tomorrow, but in spite of having a super duper job #3 I am going to go to bed in the room across the hall from my parents and cry. Because I am tired. And discouraged. And angry. 

A Rewind Button.

Yes. I know. Normally I have these art-y pictures to start each blog entry. But tonight there is a picture from the Big Bang Theory, mostly because I needed a laugh. And man, does that show make me laugh! A word of advice? Have dorks for friends. They are a world of entertainment, and tend to not make you feel as out of place.

Tonight I went down a slippery slope I like to call Memory Lane. Sure, often it sounds like a good idea. It really rarely is. For me, I always start by thinking about all the good times. You know like, sledding together as kids or when he walked in the room wearing that dashing suit. But it rarely stops there for me. I end up thinking of all the times my heart broke. I will keep those times to myself. Drudging up old memories turns into new hurts. That is not necessary, ever. I will never ever ever regret the people the God has placed in my path. Everyone I have ever loved will deserve that love. When you regret love, you turn your back on something that has potential to elicit growth in your own life. Which would be a mistake.

I was watching Christy last night (which I LOOOVE) and there was a quote; "Something once broken is stronger with the mending." to which another character replied, "That may be, but it is still broken." God has gifted me (although sometimes it doesn't feel that way) with this ability to love people and believe in them. That gift has gotten me a lot of cracks. I have been hurt so many times. That probably makes me naive...continually being open to love and the hurt that may come with it. But I like to believe that it shows me to be faithful. That even though I have been hurt in the past, I will believe in love (and people) because it is a gift of God. I hope to never stop seeing it that way. But I will only see that way as long as God continues to help my eyes see what He wants them too. I pray that I can live life with His glasses on.



I know, I know. The lyrics actually don't match what I wrote about. But it's about seeing life a different way. And it sounds all nostalgic. I just love the song. I might just need to watch Sabrina (Audrey Hepburn version, naturally) before bed. Good night.

A Pleasing Smell.

I have a new found love! Technically, it is not candles, but kind of.

I love burning Yankee Candle Tarts! I love love love it. Awesome selection of tart warmers here. The website also sells the tarts, but seriously...if there is a store in your town, go and smell your own. I have used (and loved) Lavender Vanilla, Patchouli, Pomegranate Cider, and currently and using Strawberry Buttercream. If you like Yankee Candle at all, the tarts are the way to go. Cheaper. And what I like about it is I could commit to a huge candle, but why when I can switch out tarts all the time. *love*

Okay, okay, enough with the commercial. But seriously I could make a blog filled with things I love and be like the "average josie" sales-pitcher of the year. I may do that from time to time. Just a disclaimer, so to speak.

On to the meat. As I sit here enjoying an aroma all too similar to strawberry shortcake, I am thinking about the fact that our worship should be a pleasing aroma to our Lord. Now, take my room for example. The tart itself smells WONDERFUL. It does. But if there is something stinky in my room, it won't smell so strong or smell good at all. There may just be an general odd stink to my room.

I don't want my worship to be a general odd stink. Which means that not only does my worship need to be genuine, but so does my life. And I struggle with that sometimes. The desire to lead a God-worshiping life is most definitely there, but I struggle with sins that sneak in like worms to my heart and mind. It's not like I am some sort of waterproof vessel. I will not be whole and without crack until I see my Jesus face to face. Until then I need to work on keeping out the leaks. Somehow I don't think I am alone in that.

Ah, you who hide deep from the LORD your counsel,whose deeds are in the dark, and who say, "Who sees us? Who knows us?" You turn things upside down! Shall the potter be regarded as the clay, that the thing made should say of its maker, "He did not make me"; or the thing formed say of him who formed it, "He has no understanding"?

Isaiah 29:15-16

A New Start to a New Start.

Isn't that pretty??

You may think I am silly for thinking that, but the thought of that scene being my JOB is pretty darn exciting if you ask me. Today I accepted a Part Time Seasonal job with Joann Fabrics and Crafts. It is part time for now, but I am hoping and praying that it turns into full time! Pray too, will you?

Whether or not I end up getting the full time slot I am really looking forward to working at Joann's for a couple reasons. The first is economic. The *loose* plan for now is to try to live on my Joann's paycheck as much as I can (minus rent checks) so that I can save up for whatever using my Renaissance paycheck. I will still be working there for the foreseeable future. If I get the full time position I will hopefully have built a little bit of a greenback pillow for when I will eventually move out. My rate of pay is smaller at Joann's, but I am not letting that bother me. 

Second, people, I am going to be working at a CRAFT store. Heck to the yes! I will be surrounded by people and their wonderful creativity and I can't wait for that energy. It's easy to loose vision for your own art and ideas when you are surrounded by people who don't really have any. I can't wait! Does that make me geeky? And yes, it sounds new age-y to talk about energy. I realize that. But I am right-brained and, well, it just makes sense to me. 

Thirdly, I will get a break from my current job. I love my residents and my coworkers, but other elements of the job have me completely worn out. It may sound odd to think of a second job as a break but I really don't have much of a life outside of my work...so it is exciting to make my work-life bigger. I promise, I am not a workaholic. As much as this paragraph makes me seem. If I had a life, I wouldn't have a drive to work quite as much. I am sure of it!

Alright, internet world (that probably doesn't know my blog exists) I am heading to bed. I get to have some baby time tomorrow. Prayers would be great referring to the new job (and life in general).