Well, when I got home I started this blog post about how I buy non-fiction books on Christian living like I do workout clothes. Yes, both things may be things that I need. But both things are items that, if I was going to be honest, may not actually get used.
The book was called "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer. It is the women's version of a book written to expand on the principles that were brought to light in the movie "Courageous." I had not seen the movie when I bought the book. It just looked like a good book. One that I "should" read.
Today I saw the movie. That book has turned into a book I WILL read, starting as soon as I am done typing this blog entry. But more than inspire me to read immediately a book I may have gotten to eventually, this movie has filled me with a prayerful heart.
I know that I have probably mentioned that I pray for my future husband. Truthfully, I pray for my future husband when it brings comfort to me. I don't faithfully do it. I pray for him when I feel lonely. When my heart feels a little bit broken. When I desire nothing more than to have him sitting next to me on the couch laughing at me as I cry my eyes out while watching "The Notebook" again. I can tell you honestly that I love that man, whoever he is. I can not wait to be writing the occasional late night blog post while he is sleeping in the next room. :)
"Courageous" has shown me that I am not doing enough as a future wife. I sit here alone and hope and pray that I am the right kind of woman for him. I pray that I am able to submit, love and support him as much as he needs me to. Until tonight I have never considered how hard his role in our marriage and future family will be. That sounds silly, even to type it out. I know. So quite literally I have been praying for God to help me to be the woman to support the man without even acknowledging how much support he will need to lead and guide our future life and family in a way that will bring glory to God and draw us closer to Jesus as every day goes by.
I don't know what I was expecting when I went to the movies tonight. I am a single woman with only hope as her prospects going to see a movie on Godly fatherhood. I just wanted to do what I normally want to do when I go to a movie by myself...escape from life and its tough stuff for a little awhile. I went away with so much more than an "escapism" view. I am dedicating time to pray for my future husband and pray that God turns him in a man who will make good decisions, love me no matter what dumb things I do and ceaselessly delight in and never tire of being proud of any future children when may have. Folks, he has a tough job ahead of him...he will have to live with me!! :)
I also learned that being "good enough" at anything isn't good enough. Yes, that is something I have learned before. But I never realized how I had given up control of my life to the things that happened in it. I have been learning some hard lessons in the last couple weeks. My life has been so good over the past few months. Instead of continuing in my contentment and not letting how others saw me dictate how I looked at my life...I thought I needed to take steps to change it. Those ideas didn't work out. When I told someone, she emailed me back saying that I shouldn't get discouraged, there was always a window open somewhere. I read that email again before writing this blog entry and as I write this I am wondering if is the windows here...here in my two bedroom apartment. I need to be content with the life that I have. Because right now, in the season of life that I am in...it is what God has given me.
As I look through the lists of resolutions in the book I just purchased I am realizing that these principles are missing from my life. Yes, I may "believe" in all of them and think they are good ideas...but I need to take control of this things and consciously make decisions to prioritize them in my heart, my life and my actions. So pray for me.
And friends? Pray for my future hubby if you think about...he doesn't know what he is in for!! :) But I have faith that God is turning us both into the people we will be when we do finally meet. We'll fit. He will be just as crazy as me...I think. :)
