An Apology.

This is gonna be QUICK!!

I am only about 87% done packing for the move that will have been DONE (hopefully) in 48 hours.

Crazy biscuits.

Again, once I move I will not have as regular access to the internet. The blog will continue...it my just be a little choppy with the new posts until I get a rhythm down. Hopefully that will be soon.

Because I miss writing!! I miss it desperately. And if this finds you missing new posts...

I am so sorry. 

A Change is Coming.

Lots of things are happening for me right now. Tomorrow I sign my first lease EVER. And it makes me even more excited to add that in my opinion it is the cutest little apartment in the WORLD. I am in love.

Seriously. Meeting it for the first time was like in those movies when a girl meets a guy and they just know. It's like fireworks. Totally geeky, I know. But I just knew. :)

Here are the changes though. I will not have internet access at my place. I just don't want the strain of adding that to my budget right now. Don't worry, I am not retiring the blog! I am ordering a laptop tomorrow. I will write blog posts at my place and then when I get to a wifi zone I will upload all of the entrys but do a scheduled release of them with blogger. Hopefully that will work out okay.

Also, I will be disabling comment moderation. Which means that I hope you are all nice to me. I want the comments to show up right away instead of having to wait for me to have time to moderate them. Be warned, if you do post mean stuff...I am not above deleting it once I do see it.

So, I hope we can keep this going stong and growing well. I will post pictures of my place when I move in next Saturday. Can't wait!

An Empty Feeling.

I have been having a hard time writing so far this week. I know know what it is. It's not that I have writer's block or some such phenomenon. I have a lot I want to say. It's just that I sit down to write and the screens just seems to glare at me. It says "No one cares what you have to say." It says "You can talk as loud as you want and no one will hear you." It says "Even if they do, they won't care enough to listen."

These may be true statement, they may be lies. I really don't know. What I do know is that I like this blog. I need this blog. This blog really isn't for you. I mean, I hope that you get something from reading. I hope that you maybe think of me as a kindred spirit in some regard. But I write this for me. Writing brings me joy. Writing helps me sort and process. When I can't write, I feel all jumbled up inside. 

I hope this doesn't last long. But I may take a little tiny bit of time to be back to normal, whatever that is. I have a lot going on. I am moving out of my parent's house and into an apartment. I am adjusting to a new job. This is seriously a really really happy time in my life. I am just struggling to express that. I have had a lot of practice expressing frustration, depression, sadness. Please, do excuse me while I acclimate to my new subject matter. 

I don't know how to express the fact that I smile ear to ear when I talk about my job. Or the way my heart feels like it is going to swell out of my chest when I think of moving. For me, that lack of expression in writing is so empty feeling. The Lord has been good to me, I don't know how to tell you that. So please, bear with me. My knack for writing will come back, maybe it will flourish. This is a time of research in joy, in contentment, in change. I think my writing will be better and grow because of this dry spell. 

Just please, hang in there. 

A List.

Okay. Here goes blog attempt number two of the day. I have something on my heart, but I don't have the time or patience to get into it right now. I am going to let it stew awhile longer and then maybe present it another day.

So that brings us to right now. To celebrate the fact that if ONE person reads this blog tonight it will mean that my blog views have gone UP since March (there has never been an increase before...but I haven't been so passionate about my blog either) I am going to tell you more about ME. Not my deep thoughts, not my feelings, emotions or passions. Just me. Sure some of that stuff will be visible in my list, but no long soliloquies today.

Without further ado, 100  30 (like I could think of 100!) things you may or may not want to know about me. In no particular order. (Oh, and it's okay...you can laugh all you want.)

1. I have lived in the dairy state my entire life. I like it sometimes. But not when it snows in April. Then I hate it.
2. I have gone to the same non-denominational, Bible believing church for almost my whole life.
3. I was once a nanny in Michigan.
4. In my first apartment, I was told to run my microwave in the bathroom. There were not enough outlets in the kitchen.
5. My dream is to get married to a Godly man and make and/or adopt some babies! Or kids! Maybe we can skip the diaper phase on a couple. That could be good.
6. I know I am serious on my blog a lot, but I love to make people laugh. You may see this in this post.
7. I desperately want to be a writer, I just struggle to find the right story to tell.
8. I have and always will love horses. Desperately.
9. I feel lonely a lot. Even when I am surrounded by people.
10. Beef Stroganoff is my favorite food. Spaghetti is a close second.
11. I love Audrey Hepburn. Love her.
12. I have glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. I am 24.
13. I don't like chocolate that much.
14. I could eat noodles every day of the week.
15. I am creative. I love taking normal things and making them pretty!
16. Everytime I feel like writing, I go buy a new journal. I have a pile of empty journals in my closet.
17. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is my favorite book I have ever read.
18. I love to blog. I like the idea of my ponderings being heard, well, read...by others.
19. I originally wanted to list 100 things. I will not make it to 100. :)
20. I deeply desire a true friend who loves Jesus and inspires me to be better by loving me, not looking down on me.
21. My first car was a station wagon. Yep. I am that cool.
22. I have family in six states.
23. I loooove writing and getting emails. Only bills come in the mail these days. I would love to "meet" YOU on email. Shoot me one! atonofsomething@yahoo.com
24. I am most proud of my degree and certificates.
25. I love singing and dancing. When no one else is around.
26. My favorite song is Coming Around Again, by Carly Simon....and the Itsy Bitsy Spider song that goes with it.
27. My favorite color is pink. Deep purple is a close second.
28. I love sweater weather.
29. Sometimes I get scared my life will never go anywhere.
29. I am kinda crazy about nail polish. I put it on, but it will be all scratched off the next day.
30. The most important thing you should know?? That I love Jesus more than anything ever. I love Him more than my future hubby. I love Him more than my future kids. I love Him more than my best friend. I love Him more than my passions.

I hope you do too!

PLEASE comment on this one! Let's set the record for the most comments (current record is TWO). If you think we are similar, tell me your blog/twitter account and I will follow you. Looking forward to "meeting" you!

A Song.

Blogger is annoying me today. This song is not.

The end.

A Love that Redeems.

Disclaimer: This is my feeble attempt to "review" the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Nothing I could write could do this book justice though. It is the singularly most beautiful work of fiction that I have ever read. If you get nothing else from this entry it should be this....READ THIS BOOK.


I am not big into reviewing a book and telling you about the plot. I figure, if you want to read it...you don't want me to tell you what happens in it. In the case of this book, anything I took time to tell you wouldn't be enough. I would cheapen the story because I can not include everything that happens in it. This is not a magic book...you may not like it as much as I do. But this I know, it has impacted my life in a profound way. God has used this book to influence my thoughts on love and magnify my view of His love for me. And that is what I want to talk about.


A "snapshot" of the plot, just so you know where I am coming from: The story is about a man, Micheal Hosea , and his decision to trust God and follow His call to marry and fall in love with a prostitute named Angel. It is based on the story of Hosea and Gomer from the Bible. (I must say, for a quick smile, that I am so glad that Ms. Rivers didn't name her character Gomer. When I hear that name, all I can think of is Gomer Pyle from Andy Griffith, lol.) When Angel didn't want to leave her life of prostitution, Micheal loved her. When Angel was almost killed by it, Micheal rescued her. When Angel hated him for it, he loved her. When she utterly betrayed him and went back to prostitution, he came back for her. When she struggled to love, he was patient. When she left him again, he waited. When she returned, he was honored and justified in his love for her. 


I want that kind of awesome love someday. I want to know what it is like to be loved no matter what. I want to know what it is like to be rescued. I want to grow and blossom under the umbrella of my future husband's love. I want to struggle and go through pain with him at my side, helping me through and encouraging. I am not saying that I idolize my future in that regard. Yes, I eagerly (EAGERLY) await it. But I know it won't be a walk in the park. I mean, c'mon, the guy will have to put up with me for the rest of his life. Anyone who would have to do that couldn't be perfect, perfect. :) But I do know, this book has given me reason to hope this, that even though it will be hard as heck at times we will make it through and we will stay together. With God as the glue that will hold us together, we will be able to withstand anything, together.

Yes, the love between two people is amazing. I will always (well, because I am a girl) love reading about it and watching it. But that is not the kind of love I experience and am captured by while reading this book.

It is God's love for me that grips me. Just as God pursued the sinful Israelites in the book of Hosea, He pursued (and continues to pursue) me out of sin. I was never a prostitute. But I was depressed, suicidal and hurt myself to feel better. I told others I loved God and pretended to be a good person all the while, I was mad at God for what He hadn't given me. All that time, Jesus was there holding His arms out waiting for me to grab hold. When I found Him and walked away again later, He waited again. I disappointed my Lord. I did (and do) not live my life in a way that honors Him every minute of everyday. No one could, but that is what He deserves. I mean, He literally died for me!! He was whipped, beaten, humiliated and nailed to a cross for me. I could have been the one nailing His hands and feet to the cross and He would still love me. Is it too much to ask that I die to myself as often as I can?? He molds and transforms me everyday I let Him, much in the same way that the book illustrates Micheal's love doing for Angel.

Every time I read Redeeming Love, that is what I am reminded of. How much my God loves ME. How much He will do for me. How He continually rescues me. How His love redeems me, every day of every month of every year.

Just a note: There is some content in this book (because of it's subject matter) that may be inappropriate for younger readers. However, there is nothing graphic. I would just recommend that moms read the book before deciding whether or not their daughters are ready for it. That said, it is still my firm belief and recommendation that you read this book. Life is not rated PG. Yes, there are things we can try to shield ourselves from for as long as possible, but some mildly objectionable content based on the depravity of sin (from that viewpoint) should not keep us away from a book that has a lot to teach us about God's love. That is my opinion on it.

A Faithful Noise.

I love the sound of rain. I was sitting at work with the window open tonight, just soaking it in.

Tonight, the drops sound like God's faithfulness. You see, I work alone. After my clients go to bed it is pretty eerie. Tonight was my first night on my own and instead of having to listen to the creaks and crunches of a night-time world...

I got to listen to the rain.

Rain can represent so many things. When you are sad, it reflects your sorrow. When you are angry, sometimes thunder condescends to commiserate with you. When you are happy, rain can be the drum line in the song you are dancing to. But rain can also represent a clean slate. A fresh start. A washing of, well, everything.

And that is what the rain said to me tonight. After months of discouragement and frustration... After months of waiting... God has given me a fresh start. He has answered my prayers and the prayers of those supporting me with a job I gush about like a middle school crush!! A job that I love more and more every time I go to work.

I serve a mighty and wonderful God who loves me so so much. I wish I could honestly tell you that I always actively believed that and joyfully worshiped Him during my time in the desert of waiting.

But no. I wasted most of that time being self absorbed and egocentric. In the back of my mind I KNEW that God was faithful, but my silly little human-ness wanted to be able to support myself. To get myself what I thought I needed. On good days I could hail God's faithfulness, but the woman in me was mostly impatient and frustrated.

Isn't it great to know that even though we are not perfect, God still is?? I love that while I have been in the desert, He was still faithful.

And He has brought the rain to me!

A Thankful Thursday.

I am officially adding a Thankful Thursday feature to this blog!! 

Today, I am thankful for music. 

Today was going to be, um, interesting for me. I knew that I would need all the help I could get in the self confidence department.

So last night I went on my computer and made a playlist of 176 songs that I like to listen to.

Today, I burned them all onto nine cds. That is all I listened to today.  And it helped me tonight!! I was in a good mood because of the songs and that kinda gave me a boost in feeling good for my "interesting" time.

Good enough to turn the "interesting" into making me not stop blushing and smiling. *sigh* 

No details on that for now. But it went good. It was in reference to this blog entry: A Couple Pews Away. That is all I have to say about that.

Good day today aside, I am in love with music. I love the power it has. Like most power it can be good and bad. It can bum you out, but it can also make you feel on top of the world. It can empower you, make you smile and make you cry when you need that extra little push. Content aside, I love all forms of music. 

Each genre has a place in my heart. Yes, getting excited about the "Too Fat" polka coming on is embarassing. Yes, knowing every single song they play in the grocery store is reason to laugh at me. Dancing in my car to, well whatever is on, turns heads everyday. 

But I just can't seem to help myself. Thank you Lord for for inventing the language of music.

A Bump in the Road.

Okay, so you know how I was gonna count calories and all that jazz??

Yes. My intentions were good. The plan would work out quite well if I made all my own food and could measure everything out. That plan has worked in the past.

However, I have hit a bump in the road.

As part of my wonderful new job, I am obligated to eat with the clients...and eat what they are eating. So I don't know how many calories are in that food. And I really have no way of figuring it out either. Don't get me wrong. It isn't that I don't like that policy, I do.

But it just makes being a calorie counter, well, impossible.

So here is the new plan. From here on out I am going to grade my day. I will be conscientious about the foods that I eat and will grade the day accordingly.

In Reshaping It All, Candace Cameron Bure talks about not restricting but not overindulging. God created food to be consumed for health. For example, a diet that would consist of being able to eat as many carrots as one wants without thinking isn't healthy in the same way that eating nothing but Big Macs all the time. It's not about a quick fix, it's about long term change. I can tell you this right now, there is no way on God's green earth that I could count calories forever. I want to make good health decisions and this new "grading" concept may work for me!

Some guidelines for myself:

Anything besides salad from a fast food restaurant: F for the day.

Anything not salad or light menu from a normal restaurant: D for the day
Weigh-ins weekly....not daily: Fridays

New plan starts on 4-15-11...tomorrow!

A Movement.

Check these ladies out!! 

This is going to be short tonight because I am heading to bed. But I stumbled across their blog tonight and I just LOOOOOOVE what they are doing.

Here's what they have to say:

The idea is simple: Share love with people we may never meet in random ways with no ulterior motives. Four girls spreading the love of Jesus by simply hiding notes of encouragement everywhere we go; hoping that those who discover them might have a brighter day because of it.  It's an experiement of sharing small bits of Love Everywhere!

I think that is sooooo cool and I thought you may too!

What an amazing idea! Imagine if we all jumped on that bandwagon.

Think of all the days we could make better! The smiles that could result.

So cool.

A Different Way of Seeing.

I do not have Alice's magic looking glass. (Flashback Alert:I can't believe I watched this regularly. )

I do not have Anne's Katie in a windowpane.

My best friend is not a chameleon, like Rapunzel.

I do not make it a habit of hanging around with birds and mice and letting them sew my clothes like Cinderella.

It is no secret that I love fairy tales and epic love stories. I love happy endings. I love the theme of pursuing your dreams. I love the idea of finding your prince. Or just finding you.

My love of stories seeped in imagination has not turned me into someone who is disillusioned into thinking there are always happy endings. Or that my dreams will always come true.

What stories have given me is a different way of seeing. A different way of looking at my life and life in general. Fairy tales have taught me to believe in the possibility that exists in every day. The people around me may need a smile, a greeting or to make fun of me when they hear me singing out loud at random times. I am not afraid of who I am anymore. It is still hard for me to express that though. Sometimes I put in a movie that honestly embarrasses me sometimes and watch someone else blossom and glow and become the woman they were meant to be. Seeing that, even in a movie, is an inspiration to me. It's encouragement that I don't always get in my life.

I know. That sounds silly. Growing up I didn't really watch a lot of those movies. I don't know if I have told you that before. My parents were hesitant about the evil element in a lot of fairy tales. While I will disagree with them on somethings, I know they had my best interests at heart. The thing is evil, hard times and obstacles do exist. Sure. It may not be an evil queen with a poison apple or a sea witch with a contract and a vengeance. But it may be losing a loved one, trouble at school...or losing a job, heart break or general discontentment. Any of these things could be our dragon, our fire swamp or our curse.

The thing about princesses is that they deal with whatever comes with poise and gracefulness. Sure, scrubbing a huge courtyard would not be a walk in the park. Having to live with seven men would not be my definition of fun. Princesses deal. They still are kind. They are gracious. They are open to love.

Normal girls sometimes lose that as they go through life and are disappointed with what God gives them. As a Christian, I know there is more to my life than what happens in it. I am not preaching that we abandon our faith and switch to princess worship. That is a wacky extreme. But the thing about entertainment is that whether we like it or not, we take things away from our entertainment choices. Sometimes we don't want to admit that...but it is true. If I am going to watch a movie multiple times I want it to have a message that I could stand behind and a lot of princess movies have that. So I gravitate towards them. I love them. The dresses. The music. The animals. The dancing. The first kiss. The happy ending. I just can't help myself.

And, seeing as I am a daughter of the King...I guess it should ring true for me. I will have a happy ending, because I serve an awesome God who always knows and does what is best for me and what will bring the most glory and honor to Him. Praise God!!

Now I will watch Roger's & Hammerstein Cinderella. *sigh*

A Plan of Action.

Confession Time.

I do not live life and make decisions as though I was a beloved creation of the King. My body is not treated as a sacrifice to Him. I neglect caring for the vessel the Lord has gifted to me. I abuse it. I do not use it for His glory. I put unhealthy things into. I don't allow it opportunity to live up to it's God given potential.

Okay, that was the spiritual confession. Now for the "me" version. I am fat. I don't like how I look when I see myself in the mirror. I am out of shape. I dream of 5k's but can not bring myself to leave the house on a Sunday afternoon. One of my best friend's name is Little Debbie, followed closely by her cousin Little Caesar. My idea of physical activity is walking fast at work and climbing the occasional ladder.

I am 24 years old. I have a problem.

I need to fix this. I need to hold tight to the power of God to fix this. I am so scared. I have done this before and succeeded. But I always fall of the wagon. Always. I want the future to be now. I want to realize success before the work. I want the after to be NOW. Not after I work. I don't want a slow progression. I want people to react....like a haircut.

I know that is not possible. I need to drastically change my life. Drastically. Since I know that if I tried to change it all at once I would be overwhelmed, my plan is to start with food. I will count my calories and try to limit my splurges. I will work on this for now and then work on adding physical activities soon.

I am planning on buying a good bike soon, with my tax refund money. That will be my main physical activity. I love to bike and look forward to having one worth riding.

So, as I don't really have anyone to bring along with me on this journey...I will somewhat bring along you, the blog reader. Everyday I will track on a page (see one of the tabs above). I will not go into explicit detail. Just how many calories I have consumed and how many minutes of exercise each day.

I don't exactly want this to be or turn into a weightloss blog. I do not believe that one aspect of a life should define it. So I will not let one topic take over this blog. This blog is about my life and it's many facets. That said, I will on occasion post some weightloss and health related things on my blog as trying to change this aspect of my life is kind of a big deal.

I will be turning to a couple books that I heartily recommend. The first I have completely read and it is by Lysa TerKeurst and it is called Made to Crave: Satisying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food. At the end of each chapter there is a really nice reflection portion with questions. As soon as I get the book back from my friend I may start using some of those questions as blog topics on occasion. Maybe one or two a week tops.

The second book is by Candace Cameron Bure called Reshaping it All: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness. I have yet to read this book, but she is a motivation on twitter so I can not wait to crack this book. I will probably get blog post motivation from this book as well.

Again though, I want this blog to be about me. Not just my journey to health and fitness. I want your support, but you don't have to think that this blog will turn into me soliciting your support all the time. This is the only time I will ask for it.

Oh! Interested in following the authors on twitter??
Candace Cameron Bure
Lysa TerKeurst
Enjoy following them as much as I do. :)

A Thankful Heart.

This is going to be short. 

But I am so so so thankful that God brought me my job. 

I love it.

I love the company. I love the Individualized Service Plans. I love the thorough organization systems. 

I love that I will be working with people who appreciate it. And need it.

I love that I am using my education. I love that my education is appreciated.

I am thankful that I serve a God who blesses me with exactly what I need exactly when I need it.

{This may be the start of a Thankful Thursday element to my blog. We all need more gratitude in our lives.}

A Name Thing.

I like to play with my blogs presentation a lot.

The look has to be perfect.
The name has to be perfect.
It has to have the right elements.

While right now, at this very moment, I think my blog has the best look it ever has...it may not be perfect to you.

Maybe it isn't. But it is me. It has the colors I like. The header?? That is my favorite necklace. I love the cute fonts. It is just really, really me right now. And I love that.

I want to take a minute today to tell you about the name of my blog. It has a little to do with the song I will post on the end of this entry. I am surprised that I was able to find it on youtube...I guess youtube does have everything! :)

It's called "A Hundred Little Miracles" from Flower Drum Song. (Quick review: A great classic musical. Throughly enjoyable.) At first, I thought of calling my blog that. My blog and life does not relate to Chinese immigration, but I was looking for a way to explain life in a way that wasn't like "kayleighslife" or "kayleighsblog". I am MUCH more original than that.

But the thing is, my life does not feel like a hundred million miracles. My life is a million little somethings, good and bad, that combine to make me into the woman that has created me to be. Life doesn't always have to be miraculous to be what God has intended it to be.

I believe that God can take a silly girl whose life is a million little somethings and turn her into something wonderful. Maybe even miraculous.

I think that someday, when I die and am with God in heaven, I will see my life as the miracle it was (is) easier than now. I will see how every single event...the good, the bad, and the ugly...worked together to bring me to the Lord, stay close and bring glory to Him. Which IS a miracle.



(Please excuse the low volume if you watch)

A Rebel?

"You don't seem very religious. You seem like more of a rebel."

That is what one of my coworkers told me the other day.

Is it true??

I mean, I know I am not religious in the world's definition of the word, but I am a rebel for not being that way??

I would rather define myself as individualistic. 

But maybe I am a little rebellious. Is it possible to rebel in a good way?? For a long time, I lived for other people. I tried to live up to their standards for my life. I tried to do what they thought I should do and act how they thought I should act. 

While the human in me still wants their love and approval, I have come to the point in my life when I am living for who I am and who God wants me to be. I was just brought through a horrible time of waiting. During this time, I tried hard to keep living...to accept that this period was a part of God's perfect plan for my life. Other people could not accept that. It was very hard for me. I felt looked down on for where I worked and where my life was at. I was not doing enough to change my life and bring it to where it should be. 

Well, something I have learned is that for the last few months my life WAS where it should have been. There were important and humbling lessons I learned in this time. While it has been a challenge for me, I don't think I would trade it. In the moment, yeah, I definitely would have. 

God has brought be through this time of waiting. He has shown Himself faithful to me. He has brought me a job that I will enjoy and grow in. A job that I will use my skills, passions and joy in. I am soooo thankful to Him. He brought it at just the right time too. He knew how bad things were going to get at the current job and that I would need His help to take me out of those situations. 

But you know what?? My life doesn't feel any more validated then it did a month ago when this job wasn't even a glimmer of hope on the horizon. Yes, having a non-retail job will have its rewards. Yes, I may be more fulfilled when I get done with work everyday. 

But there is something sooooo important to remember:

MY LIFE IS NOT MORE WORTH LIVING NOW THAN IT WAS A MONTH AGO. 

A PERSON'S JOB DOES NOT INDICATE THEIR VALUE.  

A PERSON'S LIVING SITUATION DOES NOT INDICATE THEIR VALUE. 

A person is never defined by what you see. A person is defined by how God sees them. Remember that when you are at a store and your clerk looks tired. Remember that when you see someone you think is odd or different. Remember that when you look in the mirror. 

Jesus loves you. He died for you. He came to earth to turn the status quo upside down so you could be in heaven with Him someday. If not following the status quo and following Him instead is rebellious....count me in!

A Couple Pews Away.

It's been months now. Months. 

Months of him sitting there. And me sitting here. 

Me thinking he was handsome. Thinking he looked cute in his sweaters and his hair was becoming.

Months of her trying to set us up. Months of hearing how great he was, how kind...and how shy he was.

And months of us not talking. We smile. We have said hi. But we have not talked. 

I think I may introduce myself next Sunday. Being shy is a good reason not to meet someone. It is not a good reason not to have a friend...or whatever. 

Maybe something will happen with that man a couple pews away. Maybe not.

There is one thing I know.

I am sick to death of the maybe part.