Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Before I continue, I want say that the thought of "maybe post number 200 could/should be my last one" did cross my mind. I have a lot going on in my life right now, more than ever before, and I don't want to really become a daily-life blogger. I don't want to get on here and write about how so and so and I did this and tomorrow I am doing that. It's just not me. And I don't like the idea of bringing my personal life online. I don't mean any disregard to daily life bloggers. I follow some of them...but it's just not me. I am a writer. I like to reflect on my life and the things that the Lord is teaching me and share that with you. I don't want this to be a captain's log of my life. That is what my journal is for. That is where I record the moments in my life and my more intimate thoughts. I don't want this to become my journal. It has been kinda hard to blog just because I want to be all like "OMYGOODNESS, check out what is going on in my life!" instead of taking time to actually write.
BUT BUT BUT this is NOT my last post! I thought about it and this blog is the second biggest picture of my ability to follow through with something. (The first being my Associates Degree.) And I am not willing to walk away from it. Today I am choosing to see this blog as an achievement. I have come back to the same thing 200 times and chosen to keep going. Yes. There were breaks, sometimes quite long ones. But I always came back. The fact of the matter is that I love to have an outlet to write. I love to know that someone somewhere out there is reading what I, Kayleigh Nikolai, wrote. I like that a lot.
I sometimes get down on myself and wish that I could write something. "Oh, if only I could write a book." is a thought that goes through my mind quite often. And yes, I know that I could write something if I really wanted to...but the fact of the matter is I am writing something. And people are reading what I have to say. I love when my readers respond to what I have to say...but even when I don't hear from anyone I like to look at my stats and see views. Someone in the great somewhere read the words I wrote. Before I started this blog I didn't have that. I do now. I like that.
It's not just the writing itself that makes me write this blog. I have learned so much about myself and my life and my decisions as I write. I have been convicted to the core by some of the things the Lord leads me to write. I have grown in my hunger for Him so much in the past several months and this blog has had a lot to do with that. He has really used it to prick my heart and remind me to look to Him and for the first time in my life...I have greatly responded to the prick. Sitting here right now I am a completely different person because of the work of the Lord in my life since I started this blog years ago. I am so thankful that my eyes have been more fully opened to that lately and that I am able to respond in a way that shows my love for Him. I am thankful for the changes in my life and the wonderful things that have come as a result. Right now I am more content than I have been before. That isn't because my life is a bowl of cherries. There is a lot of complicating things in my life. There are a lot of wonderful things, but there are other things that have me crying myself to sleep some nights. But I am content because I have the Lord. There is no other reason why I can find myself consistently sitting in my lonely apartment at the end of a long day and have a smile on my face and peace in my spirit.
I made the decision to continue this blog for those reasons. Because I love to write and because I want to continue to learn and grow while writing. I want to continue to be able to go back and look at my own blog to re-read the things the Lord has been teaching me so that I can learn the lessons again if I need to or didn't get it right the first time. God is so good and He has proven Himself to be faithful to me. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to prove myself faithful to Him. I want this blog to point people who stop by and read it to Him. He is what is important. What I have to say is not so important all the time...but the One who has planted the thoughts in my head is. I have a lot of fun with my blog but I am going to strive to keep a stable balance of fun (Friday's Fancies, anyone?) and serious...I don't want it to be one sided in either direction. But at the end of the day, if you think I talk about Jesus too much on my blog....well, I'm not gonna lose any sleep.
Thank you so much for reading my blog! Very few, if any of you, have been with me since the beginning of my blogging adventure. But you are here right now and that means the world to me. I hope you stick with me on this crazy journey the Lord's got me on and that this blog is around for a long time to come!
Commenters! I love you. Over the past several months your support, encouragement, friendships, hellos and advice have made my day time and time again. You have played a large roll in my sticking with this blog. It is so much more fun to write when you have friends that reply to what you say consistently. I need to get better at returning the favor! I apologize for my lacking in that area...I hope to get better at it in the near future. If you would like a follow from me...just shoot me a comment saying "Dude, check out my blog!" or something. I would love to expand my blog roll! :) I love to read almost as much as I love to write.
Again, thank you so much to anyone reading this for being even a tiny part of this blog. I pray that this blog at times makes you laugh, encourages you, commiserates with you, challenges you and that it points you to the Lord more often than it does anything else!