That moment when a book comes alive to you is a magical one. At least it is for me. I could be reading something because it is a good idea or something I should have read a million years ago and then it just hits you between the eyes and you see it completely different. It comes alive. Has that ever happened to you guys??
Well, it totally happened to me last night. Chapter seven of Persuasion blossomed to me. Confession time. I have never read a Jane Austen novel in its completion. Isn't that horrible?!? I mean, we are talking about ME! I love classic literature. I love period fashion. I love all the Jane Austen movies. I love classical piano. The fact of the matter is I have loved all things Jane Austen for YEARS. Without reading a single one of her novels.
Until now! It is on my list to read all the Jane Austen novels before I turn thirty. And I started with Persuasion. I mostly grabbed it because it was the first Jane Austen book I saw on my bookshelf. (Yes, I said on my bookshelf. I own most of them, lol.) After reading chapter seven I have come to the realization that I am going to love literary journey as much as I always thought that I would.
Okay, a little back story before I go over what I loved about chapter seven. I am pathologically single. You probably know that. I have never been in a defined "relationship." That said, I have several guys in the area that I don't want to see veryoften at all. And I totally just saw one of those guys this weekend.
So I feel Anne's pain, all the way. Granted, I know that her story has a happy ending and my story with any of those guys does not (not that I am limiting God...let's just say it highly unlikely) but I have totally gone through some of the feelings that the book goes through.
"But a week must pass, only a week, in Anne's reckoning, and then, she supposed, they must meet; and soon she began to wish that she could feel secure for even a week."
"Anne understood it. He wished to avoid seeing her. He had inquired after her, she found, slightly, as might suit a former slight acquaintance, seeming to acknowledge such as she had acknowledged, actuated, perhaps, by the same view of escaping introduction when they were to meet."
"It is over! It is over!" she repeated to herself again, and again, in nervous gratitude. "The worst is over!"
Have you ever dealt with any of those feelings?? I know I have. And yeah, that totally stinks...but at the same time I don't think I have ever identified with a fictional character as much as I did with Anne Elliot in chapter seven. I love that. She kinda feels like a friend right now. Even though I know how her story ends I cannot wait to read it and experience her story in a way I never have before. Jane Austen has this most beautiful way of writing that is kind of intoxicating to me. I just read about one chapter at a time for now (I have been busy with work and all) but it is a wonderful part of my day.
So what are you reading? Find any friends in the pages lately??
Hi friends! I am a little tuckered out tonight, so please bear with me if I start to blabber a bit. I tend to do that when I am tired. And I am very tired. Work is kinda kicking my butt this week. Nothing I can't handle, but I am just exhausted. I have a to-do list at home that is about five miles long and luckily for us writing this blog post is on it, which means I can sit for a little while. I literally almost feel asleep on my clean laundry. It's okay really, there are good weeks and bad weeks...and this one just isn't one of the better ones.
I have yet to do the Psalm 2 study I am missing. It is on my to-do list. Look for it by the end of the week.
I enjoyed Psalm 4. That said, I did find one downside to doing the study the way I am. The Psalm said something different to me than it did to Wendy Pope. Which I know is fine, but at the same time I kinda questioned myself and wondered if I was doing something wrong. But then it kinda hit me that you can't do this wrong. You can't read the Bible wrong. It is impossible.
Again the themes of peace and sleep kinda stood out to me. I think it is because I have been so stressed out and busy with work. There was one verse that says "Be angry, and do not sin, ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent." I have a lot of "little" issues at work with coworkers/bosses. You know, the same kind of issues that everyone has at their jobs. I am really good at letting these issues fester until they become unbearable. And then I blow up. Whether it is inside and I just sit there and fume until smoke starts coming out of my ears or whether it is outside and I intentionally do or don't do something because I am angry. Last week I tried to deal with things internally as they came instead of just being mad and getting myself worked up. Right now I am, as I said, very exhausted. But I am not angry about it. I am making work related based on me and what I am feeling instead of being all bratty inside and thinking "Ha! No, I am not doing that because of _____________. That made me so mad. No way I am helping you out."
Another verse that struck me was the line "You have put more joy in my heart, than they have when their grain and wine abound." You could kind of do a fill in the blanks with that. You know, "You have put more joy in my heart than _____________" That was another thing I thought about this week. Any time I got that little green monster whispering to me I thought of the fact that God had given me more joy than I could ever possibly get from whatever I thought I wanted for a minute.
And the final verse of the Psalm is sounding really good right now, "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Goodnight, dear friends. Has God said anything to you this week??
She is my Blog Sponsor Swap buddy for January and I just realized that I totally forgot to write a post introducing her!! I am a horrible blog sponsor buddy...but I will get better!
It is the end of January and it is about the time to look for a new Swap buddy! Let me know if you are interested! Comment if you want more info and I will give you more details. :) Yay!
Without further ado, Emmy's post. Enjoy!
I always love what she has to say.
~~~
I am in a slump.
Ever gone through those?
I go to work. I sit on the computer planning things for my job, organizing, making phone calls, writing, putting together lessons, checking and responding to emails, reading books, and getting distracted by everything that is the internet.
Then I go home. I change into my "normal person" clothes, take care of my dog, then turn on my computer, do some chores, watch TV, eat dinner, get distracted by the internet (again), read, go to bed.
The end.
Pretty exciting life, huh?
Where did all of those plans for 2012 that I laid out for myself on January 1st go? I didn't have resolutions, but I did know how I wanted 2012 to be. I wanted it to be fun, exciting, and full of new adventures. I was tired of the same old mundane routine that I always fall into, so I had goals, plans, and ideas. Some of them were:
-Go out on a date -Hang out with a friend at least once a week -Do things for other people that have nothing to do with my job -Talk to people I don't know -Do something everyday that makes my heart smile -BE BRAVE -Get my focus back -LIVE LIFE
Well... that didn't last long apparently. I'm not really LIVING LIFE. I have fallen back into the same old routines that I always have - and I hate it. It doesn't make me happy. While relaxing and not having a ridiculously crazy schedule is a good thing - I know I'm missing out on life and just letting it pass me by. I'm 25 years old and I'm pretty sure this is NOT what God wants me to be doing.
But I can't get out of my rut. You know how when you're overly bored and you want something to do, but you are SO bored that you don't have motivation to do anything?
That's me right now. Which is ironic because the theme for my blog this month is "unusual inspiration." Guess I haven't been listening to my own advice.
So here I am, asking all of you wonderful readers of A Million Little Somethings... what do you do to get out of a rut?
It was kind of a dreary day, but I thought some of the pictures turned out quite well. I am going to try to start sharing some pictures on my blog every now and then. I am by no means an avid photographer, but I love the idea of capturing the little bits of magic that I sometimes see.
Hope you enjoyed the winter wonderland that is central Wisconsin's fake mountain! I know I did, even if it was a touch too cold to be out walking yet. Hopefully it will warm up before too long so I can try again!
Hi guys! Remember this post? I am following up on my promise to do a monthly update! I know, I know. Pretty impressive, eh? :)
First I am going to update you on all of the aspects of the image and then I will chat about the month as a whole. I hope you enjoy it...I know some of you have been looking forward to it. I hope it lives up to your expectations!
Think Positively This month I have really been focusing on trying to make goals and lists of tasks to be accomplished. I am including that under this category because it is really helping to think positive and focus on living in a positive way. I have a really great planner that has been helping me out a ton. Plus, I absolutely LOVE writing in it so that helps. It is so encouraging to cross things off my lists as well. And since I started doing that I have been so much more productive than I was in the past. I am not consumed with how much I have to do because I keep things under control. Which gives me MUCH more time to think positively.
Exercise Daily This is probably the one goal in which I have fallen short this month. I did not exercise nearly as much as I should have. {Just a reminder...this is NOT a commitment to exercise daily, but to exercise more} I did some exercise DVDs but I always seemed to find an excuse not to. I will try harder next month. Something that I have been learning and trying to get better at is that I cannot let my flubs or failures get me down or push me into the quicksand that is stagnation. I think sometimes stagnation is almost as bad as falling back. I should be moving forward where I should, instead of thinking I am content because I am afraid of the work it would take to change. Use failures as a reminder that you are human, not as an excuse to hold you back.
Eat Healthy Now this is an area that I can say I am doing quite well in, compared to December. I have been tracking everything I eat to hold myself accountable. I have also packed lunches for work for the last couple weeks. When I am at work I sometimes work so hard that I forget to eat or shove some really unhealthy food in my mouth when I have time. Since I have been packing a healthy lunch I think I have actually enjoyed my work day so much more, just because I take less than ten minutes of my work day for me. It hasn't been perfect, in fact I "splurged" today when I was out with a friend. But all in all this area of my life is changing for the better. Not only do I feel more confident in this area, but I feel better physically too. I don't know how much weight I have lost, but I have just felt better...you know? Also, if you are wondering, I have only had two Mountain Dews since I said I would quit. Once I did it because it was habit and the second time was at my grandparent's, when they had saved me one because they knew I liked it...I didn't have the heart to say no! :)
Work Hard Well, this month I have been working hard. I am trying really hard to get organized at home and I am happy to say that I can no longer go to bed without my kitchen clean! That is improvement, for sure. Before I would "leave it for tomorrow" until it got so bad that I just didn't want to do it. Period. Now I am so proud of how my house looks I want to keep it that way! So far it has hit the kitchen and the living room. But I am sleeping in the living room right now so that complicates things a bit. I am doing it kinda for the heat, I hate the idea of it having to heat the whole house when I could just as easily be nice and warm sleeping on my couch. Anyway, I have been working hard to become organized with my cleaning and with my list and goal making. And really? It is so motivating. It really is. I love that I can work eight hours, come home, knock a few things off the to-do list and then sit down and realize how much I accomplished in a day!!
Stay StrongThis month, with making so many changes to my life, I have found myself celebrating the "little victories." Like: "You stayed on your meal plan today." "You got through your entire workout video." "You ROCKED at work today." "You didn't buy that thing you didn't need." Things like that. Remembering the little victories has helped me stay strong by helping me focus on what I CAN do instead of what I can't. I think I am stronger than I thought I was before. In the past I did things because I needed to do them, not because I believed I could. But you know what? I can. I am strong enough!
Worry Less I have noticed a difference in my thoughts since starting to do the Psalm study with Wendy Pope. When things get tough I find myself clinging to nuggets of scripture instead of letting it stew and stew and stew. I am a definitely a snow-baller. In the past I let problems just roll and roll and roll and they pile up until they look like something I can't get past or through. But the thing that I am realizing is that while I can't deal with things all the time, I serve this great God who can. Spending time in God's word daily helps me remind me of that and the fact that I don't need to worry because God has got me in His hands!
Dance More Okay, so the cd of the month is officially Kelly Clarkson's new one "Stronger." I love it. All of the songs are great to turn up loud. I wouldn't endorse it with flying colors, there are some small content issues. But for a single girl who loves to jam it up in the car, this cd definitely fits the bill!
Love Often One of my goals this year is to send all of my family and friends Birthday cards on their birthday. I only had two birthdays in January, but so far so good! A long time ago someone told me that to have friends you must first be friendly. I think the same thing kinda applies to relatives. I think about my family so often and sometimes I wonder why I am not closer to them than I am. But then it kinda hit me that I am not reaching out as much as I should be. One birthday card a year may not seem like a lot, but it is something. And I am committed already to returning any notes that may come back...so if you are a family member reading this, keep that in mind! I love, love, love getting mail!
Be Happy I have so many things to be happy about this month! And I feel happy too, which is great. Well, at this exact moment it is the exhausted kind of happy...but in general I have so much to smile about. I have a new best friend. I have a job that I really enjoy most days. My car battery hasn't died in a couple weeks. My apartment is cute. My couch is comfy. Life is good!
All in all, January has been a great month. I have taken at least baby steps in each of the areas that I went over. January was a lot different than December was and I can be very proud of the progress that I have made. I am so glad that I decided to do this monthly update, I am very excited about it!! I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I love to write them.
1. What is your favorite game to play? I am really not the biggest fans of games in general. I just don't care for them...I get too competitive and then no one has fun. If I had to choose I would say Dutch Blitz. I do enjoy Dutch Blitz.
2. What is something you do in your spare time just for yourself? Hahaha, spare time? What is that? I would have to say reading a book. Because that is the only time I cannot multi-task and do other things at once.
3. What is the most important trait to have in a marriage or relationship? I would have to say loving Jesus more than you love the person you are in a relationship in.
4. Where is your favorite vacation spot? I would have to say California, just because it is the place I have visited the most! And, my lovely relatives that live there make me that much better!
5. What is something you are proud of? I am most proud of my Associate's Degree. Now...if only it had been in a more profitable field! ;)
6. What is your favorite restaurant? A little Mexican place called El Mezcal here in town. As far as chains go...I am growing to like Burracho's! I guess I like Mexican. ;)
7. If you could visit one state/city in the USA what would it be? NYC
8. What is the best present you ever received? Honestly, I would have to say that the Saving's Bonds that my grandpa got me a long time ago. I used them to buy my sofa, which is my favorite piece of furniture. My grandpa died a few years ago now so using the money to buy something I wanted and needed so much was special to me.
9. What is your favorite weekend activity? Sleeping in.
10. What are you afraid of? Funny, considering I shared that above! Birds and the dentist, random I know.
11. What is your favorite memory from 2011? I have soo many memories of 2011! All in all, 2011 was a great year. I would have to say moving out was my favorite thing about 2011. I love my apartment so much.
my questions for you.
1. Why did you start your blog? 2.What do you do at the end of a long day? 3. Which season is your favorite and why? 4. What fictional charactor would you want as a best friend? 5. Desert Island. Three Items. List them. 6. If you could choose to live in a different decade purely for fashion's sake, which decade would you choose? 7. What song makes you crank the volume in your car? 8. What is most important to you? 9. If you could choose to have one dream for your life come true, which would it be? 10. Which collection of your's is bigger, movies or books? 11. If you could have dinner with someone alive or dead, who would that be?
I may not be here right now....but you can find me over at Love Woke Me Up This Morning! That's right folks....I wrote my first ever guest post. And what a cool blog to be featured on!
Although, I may be here later....stay tuned. There should be at least THREE posts this week!!
I was hoping to have a post in between the two Psalm posts, but oh well! :) Bear with me...soon I will catch up and it will be one a week!
Psalm 1 was about what we our DELIGHT in. Something that Wendy Pope said really hit a cord with me. "When we watch our relationships and watch our delight, God watches over us."
What do I delight in? Am I delighting in spiritual influences or secular things? We all need to make sure are delighting in the right things.
I think part of what the Psalm talks about is the fact that who we are in friendships/relationships with shows a lot about what we delight in. "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way or sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; for his delight is in the law of the Lord." We need to be committed to delighting in the Lord's law and not let the influence of the world change that. How do we do that?? It is harder than it looks.
But I have been learning that a commitment to spending time in God's word is crucial. The more time we spend in God's word the more we will come to desire t be closer to God and do the things He tells us too. Wendy Pope said that "Getting into God's word each day is the ONLY way that God's word can get into us." How true that is!
So what took me so long? I think one reason was the age old excuse of not having "enough" time. But something I have been thinking on is that it isn't as much as matter of not having enough time and more a matter of not spending enough time on the right things. How much time do I spend on here everyday? How much time am I watching television or watching movies I have seen fifty times already? Not having enough time is not an excuse for me. Yes, I am busy. Yes, there are times I am so stressed out that the last thing I want to do is add another thing to my day. But you know, it doesn't take much. I was so afraid of taking on another timely commitment but this Psalms study does not require a lot of time at all. And I have been learning so much from it. I didn't think I had enough time, turns out I just had to make time out of the time I had been given.
Do you DELIGHT in God enough to give Him your time? Do you DELIGHT in Him enough to be open to the change He will bring to your life?
Remember when I talked about a cool opportunity for 2012? I have been doing the weekly study (although I need to catch up on last week's a little, I was sick. =/ ) on Psalms with Wendy Pope. I have really been enjoying it a lot! Each week one Psalm is covered and that has been great because each week God has taken that Psalm and used it to speak to my heart, smile on my life or challenge me. And I wanted to share this week's with you, which led me to decide to make "My Year in Psalms" a weekly component of the blog. I hope you enjoy it.
I chose the picture of the sunflower for a reason too. I actually had a dream/memory of sunflowers last night. We went camping at a place down south (which is still weird to say for this Wisconsinite) once and on the way to the actual campground was this huge field of sunflowers, which were beautiful. One day we went out shopping a little bit. When we left in the morning the flowers were facing one way and when we returned in the afternoon they were all facing another way. Now, I had heard about the fact the sunflowers follow the sun but that was the first time I had ever seen it for myself. This morning, as I was staying warm under the covers (we have high temperature of zero today...) that memory kind of spoke to me. My heart should be like a sunflower, always trying to look where God wants me to look and see what He wants me to see. Because only then will I get the "nutrients" He is trying to give me to grow. So I chose to use it for this Psalm study, because me doing this and taking time to be in the Word everyday is definitely a direction that God pointed me.
I am going to start with Psalm 3 because that is the one that inspired me to start posting and, as it is the third week of the year...it is this week's Psalm! Soon I will try to go back and write about Psalm 1 and 2 as well.
Psalm three really struck a cord with me. Like I said before, I had done week one in its entirety but had kinda laxed on week two because of being so sick. And you know what? Over the last weekend, I realized that I had been sleeping so much better the week that I had done the study and been in the Word everyday. I had no sooner commented on this to my dear best friend than I logged on and watched the weekly video teaching on Psalm three. The Psalm is wonderful. I mean, none of them aren't...but this one was just so in line with the things that were in my heart when I went to read it that it just struck me. One of the verses in it says, "I laid down and slept; I woke again and the Lord sustained me." How cool is that? That is one of my definitions of being "at peace." You know? To be able to lay down. And sleep. And then wake up because you slept well enough to get the rest you needed. Until I realized the difference in my sleep patterns when I read the Bible versus when I hadn't, that verse probably wouldn't have stood out to me. I had never considered that sleep was something that God sustained and gave to me.
But there is another verse that really got me through this week. It's been a really hard, long and stress-filled week for me and verse three said, "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the Lifter of my head." Friends, HOW COOL IS THAT? God is the lifter of our heads. When we are tired and so exhausted that we can not even lift our heads, God will come along side of us and give us the strength we need. God will lift up our heads. That is amazing to me. Whenever things got tough for me this week, whenever I got overwhelmed I just thought of that. I realized that when I came to the end of me, it was okay. The song wasn't over. It wasn't the end of the line. When I come to the end of me that is when the Lord steps in. That is when He does awesome things. He lifts my head and He pushes me on. But it isn't my strength anymore. It is not what I have to do anymore. It is what He is doing through me because He loves me. He wants to do awesome things with my life. I need to get better at coming to the end of me and letting Him step in instead of trying to go on and get overwhelmed and get to the point of feeling defeated because I can't do it.
God is so good friends. This is the very beginning of this year of being faithful and loyal to Him by spending time in the Bible faithfully and daily. And already it doesn't feel like "work." I kind of expected it too. You know, I thought I would have to put so much work in remembering to do it instead of looking forward to it and consciously taking the time to do it before bed every night. And I enjoy it. And it ties into my life so consistently. It is wonderful to see God's word come in and tie into the things I am going through and dealing with. I encourage you to begin your own journey. If the Psalms study is not a good fit for you, fine. But begin or commit or continue to spend time in your own journey by reading God's word. It is going to change my life and it is already impacting my attitude and perspective. God is good and He can do great things. Give Him room to!
My dear friend Lindsey was the first one to ask me to post pictures of my apartment and the time has finally come to at least partially grant her wish. :) I am FINALLY, after living here for almost nine months, happy with how my kitchen and living room look so I decided that tonight's the night. I also got a little crafty today so I will be sharing that too.
One of the BIGGEST issues I have had with my apartment was that darn wall in my kitchen. It sat there, empty, since the day I moved in. Inspiration for my craft project hit me before Christmas, when a client bought her granddaughter a French Message Board for Christmas. It was a totally epiphany moment for me! I was like THAT is what my kitchen needs.
I had a spare fine art canvas at home that I was going to use, but when I got around to shopping for the rest of the supplies I needed I found two magnetic cork boards that were damaged...I asked the lady if I could get a discount on them and she said yes. It only turned out costing me a mere $3 more to do two boards rather than one! I was so excited!
Originally I was going to do two French style boards, but tonight while I was working on the first board the "magnetic" factor of the boards inspired me to change it up a bit.
The French Message board turned out ADORABLE!!! Instead of batting I was able to get my hands on some leftover "snow" sheets from Christmas for a mere $1.97!! I think the most expensive part of the project was the fabric...but the coolest part is that I didn't have to spend more on that to get the two boards.
The other board I just wrapped in fabric with no batting and just put a ribbon border on it.. This way I can use the "magnet" aspect of the board to post pictures! I like the way it also shows off how cute the fabric is. :) I mean, you can see it on the French board...but the magnet board almost "frames" the cuteness. Love how it turned out.
My kitchen looks so cute and complete now! I looooove it so much. I also love that the French board covers up the hideously ugly phone jack that I do not need. I was so excited to find that cute rug for my kitchen...if it literally had my name on it in the store it wouldn't be more perfect for me!! I realize that the boards do not exactly go with it. But I have what I like to call a Kaleidoscope Eye. If I like it for a room, it goes with the other things in the room. It may not match, but half the time my socks don't match...so what difference does it make?? ;) And for me, if you know me...it just works.
Ahhhh. My living room. I am soooo utterly in love with how it is right now. I don't know if you can tell, but my couch is on a diagonal. I did that to make room for my Christmas tree, which was where the desk is now. When it was flat against the wall the room just looked so plan to me. I mean, I liked the things I had decorating it and all...but there was just something missing. When I was taking down my Christmas tree it struck me that my little desk would fit PERFECTLY in the corner. That way I could store my printer and everything right there. And I loooooove having it out here. It is so much easier to write at a desk than on a couch.
The other side hasn't changed much, but I still love that bookshelf I have! :) I am so in love with books and I love to be surrounded by them. In my mind, nothing makes a room look loved and lived in than books. The words on the wall are part of another project that I am working on. I hand traced and cut out the letters for all of the Fruits of the Spirit. For the empty spot in the middle I am working on cutting out a TON of hearts that I will Modge-Podge to a canvas in the shape of a cross. I am sooo excited to have the finished product...but it is definitely proving tedious. Someday it will look amazing and on that day I shall post a new picture, I promise!!
The last thing I wanted to show you tonight is the centerpiece that I created for my coffee table! My grandma does a lot of canning...the spare jars just sat up on my counter forever! One night it just hit me. Candles look soooo good in jars. The centerpiece started with just the different size jars but evolved to include a couple wine glasses and a float glass. I just LOVE it. The only problem that I have with it is how fast the tea-lights burn out. I know that they have those fake ones now, but there is just something about an actually burning candle. Oh well, at least they are cheap!!
I hope you enjoyed seeing part of my apartment. It is kind of a cozy apartment, but I apsolutely love it and I love it even more now that it is really feeling like home. I decided after I moved in that I would be staying here until I get married unless God moves me. And that feeling has not gone away. I really am happy here. I love how "me" it is becoming. Eventually I will share my bedroom with you, but I am not quite "done" with it yet. It is getting close though.
I am starting to feel somewhat better. However there is still a grand ol' pity party going on up in here.
I am trying to watch what I eat. And it is kicking my butt. Monday and Tuesday I was sick so I didn't pay "that" much attention. I still did pretty good. Yesterday I was hungry at the grocery store and *victory moment here* I bought a Lunchable. That may not seem like a victory moment to you, but when I was in the grocery store I used to work at...so close to the cakes I used to stock and the doughnuts I used to make...it definitely was to me. Today I did not go off "menu" AT ALL. Which was amazing.
As I am writing this it feels more amazing than it did ten minutes ago. Ten minutes ago I was wondering if I could make to the grocery store before it closed for some cake and then reminding myself that Taco Bell is open late. I am literally jones-ing for junk food. I don't keep any snacky stuff in my house so that makes it easier to resist...but for supper I was tempted to go off menu and have Tuna Helper with a side of Rice-a-Roni with baked beans for dessert. There is not a single item in my pantry that I could not make and eat RIGHT NOW.
The frustrating, motivation killing thing for me is the fact that I ate enough today. I am not following a plan right now really, this is just something I made up to try to get myself disciplined. I have these meal choices for each meal and snack that I developed for myself. Today I ate a nice breakfast, I had lunch with my clients and I had a filling supper at home. I had some good snacks throughout the day as well.
There is no reason on God's green Earth that I should be thinking about those baked beans in my cupboard at 10:30 at night! I am literally laying in bed right now trying not to get up and eat. Just because I am bored. Because I am still a touch sickly. And because I am feeling sorry for myself.
You see, I got on the scale this morning. Maybe that was my fatal pity party inducing error. Or maybe it was just what I needed to say to have so many tiny *victory moments* today. I have been eating a lot lately in anticipation of watching what I eat "soon." For almost two weeks now it was "Ooop, guess I have to eat this...I am going to work on losing weight soon and then I can't eat it anymore." or "Here are the things I need to eat before I try not to anymore."
Is there any logic in that? Seriously, is there? I gained weight, like...enough to get upset about, because of that decision making process. Where would I be now if I had started THEN? I should have started this horrible grueling process then instead of waiting, (yes, I'll say it) binge-ing and making it harder to get where I want to be in the long run. I am trying to dwell on the victory moments, but it is so hard sometimes.
When I was a kid with braces, sometimes the darn brackets would come pop off or come loose and just be hanging there on the wire. I would lay in bed at night and just pray and pray. I would say "God, you healed blind people and stuff...could you just fix this bracket so I don't have to go to the orthodontist again??" And you know what? He never did miraculously reattach those brackets. It's not like it was a "crisis of faith" experience for me or anything...but I kept doing it. I never understood why He didn't but I think that right now it is kind of coming to me. Literally, as I write this.
It's not about braces anymore. Sometimes I just go to bed praying and crying in my heart "God, I know...I know...maybe I won't wake up tomorrow and look like Katherine Heigl or Renee Zellweger when she wasn't fat for that one movie....but could you please maybe make me feel better about me? Can I wake up tomorrow and be pretty to me?" And you know what? He hasn't done that. I know that it is not because it is something beyond His capability...I think it is because He wants me to learn and grow through the things I feel and see now and develop those things into the way He looks at me and the way that He desires me to live. You know, if I can work hard and change my life, especially in the area of food, it WILL be a miracle. If you don't see that, just go back and read the first half of this post again. I think that God is just asking me to meet Him half way. To run towards Him if I can, walk towards Him when I am sore and crawl towards Him when I can't do those other things. He doesn't love me less because He is asking that I do those things...to me it says that He loves me more because HE BELIEVES I CAN. He loves me enough to know what I am capable of even when I don't.
Wow. This has really been an epiphany moment on my blog. And the post kinda took a turn as I wrote it. God really surprised me tonight.
And you know what? Baked beans aren't sounding so good anymore. :)
I am sick. Between sick, busy and generally uninspired...I haven't posted much in 2012 so far! I'm sorry.
It's not for lack of trying...last night I spent almost an hour writing a post inspired by tad-pole shaped dust. And then it hit me that I was writing about frogs. That post went to the recycling bin. Actually it may still be saved somewhere, I will have to remedy that. I am glad I caught myself. Seriously, it was a cold-induced post about how I feel I have a lot in common with a developing tad-pole. 'nuff said.
Today I have been mope-ing around in bed all day. I actually called in to work, so that should show you how sick I am. I am totally having a "sweat the small stuff" kinda day. For example:
"Do I actually have to get dressed to go to the store?"
"Why does the orange juice store have to be soooo far away?"
"Why do I live in Wisconsin? It is cold here."
"Why is my cute glittery nail polish deciding to literally pop off like acrylic nails?"
"My kitchen is literally a million miles away."
"If I worked from home, could I stay in bed all day?"
So as I sit here and somewhat seriously consider a life of solitude (in which I could have groceries and nail polish delivered..naturally) I am making the somewhat foggy brained and melodramatic decision to reach out to the outside world to remind you all that I am still here. I am just a bit less, ummm, well rounded than I normally am.
I hope you chuckled at bit at my misfortune. Really, I do. I might be tempted to chuckle too. :) I am not going to write anymore today for fear of saying something truly dumb. Instead I am going to peal myself from my all too comfortable bed and make the epic journey to Krik Trip for OJ, Gatorade, Milk and eggs. We shall see if I can make it. You never know...right now you may be reading my generation's precursor to The Odyssey."
That last sentence crossed that "truly dumb" standard I had. My apologies.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the type of people I allow to get close to me or give the power to influence how I feel. I have talked about it before, but my blog has really helped me in that department.
You see, out here, in cyber-space, I feel like I can say whatever I want because you can either choose to read this or press the little "x" and close the page. I appreciate every single one of my comments because I know that it is someone who wanted to read what I have to say and stayed long enough to put thought into commenting on it.
If only life were that easy. If only we could tell that easily if the people in our lives cared enough to invest in it. I know, I know. Sometimes you do just KNOW. But all to often it is confusing because you cannot tell if people actually care or if they are pretending.
Tonight the story of the Warm Fuzzies popped into my head. I don't think I have the book anymore so I can't exactly remember the story. But I know there was Warm Fuzzies (in the picture) and Cold Pricklies. Warm Fuzzies made you feel warm, happy and loved while the Cold Pricklies did the opposite. Now, I know that not everyone in life is going to like me. I am not naive.
But wouldn't it be nice if we were given some more tangible evidence when we were getting to know someone? If we could tell if they were a giver of Warm Fuzzies or a seller of Cold Pricklies? Sometimes it is so hard to tell until it is too late and we get hurt. It is so rare to find a person that is honest and true and communicates their feelings. I think it isn't that people try to be unkind or something, but sometimes things get so dragged out that even if people don't like what you have to say or offer they don't know how to tell you or stop because they wait too long to say anything. I was one of those "trapped" people for a long time...and that feeling stinks too. And then, when you (or someone) do speak up there always ends up being hurt involved on one or both sides.
The thing about Cold Pricklies is that they kinda look like Warm Fuzzies. Think of, ummm, burrs wrapped in cotton. You can't tell they are Cold Pricklies until you set one on your shoulder and they get stuck...the longer they stay stuck the more hurt, bitterness and frustration they bring to you. That is kind of what an unhealthy friendship looks like. You start out thinking it is or will be a good thing, but it ends up causing you more pain.
I was in an unhealthy friendship for a long time. And I knew it was unhealthy for a long time. I think I was just in denial for most of the friendship. God asked me to end it for a very long time. But I didn't know how. It had gotten to the point that I was not the person I wanted to be just because I was afraid to or didn't know how to end the friendship. I let myself be influenced by someone who lived a very different lifestyle than me. My friend did not understand my faith and did not want to accept my stands. I eventually obeyed God and did end the friendship. I had to because I could not be myself. I could not grow and become the person the Lord wanted me to be if I was so consumed in not upsetting this friend. So far, that is the hardest obedience God has ever asked of me. It was so hard to end the friendship because it wasn't like I had tons of friends lined up and waiting for me. But I did. And even though it was horribly painful for me and unacceptable to my friend (even to this day), I had immediate peace when that decision was made. And God has honored that decision. He gave me one of the best summers of my life and has now brought into my life a friend that I probably would have missed out on if that other friend had still been in my life. I am so thankful to have a God that honors obedience to Him, even when it is hard and we can't understand it at the time.
I am so thankful to you, my dear blog readers. Knowing you are out there brings me so many Warm Fuzzies. Thank you for taking the time to invest in my life by reading and especially by taking an extra moment to comment. I try to show my heart out here in blogland in a way I can't quite do in "real life." Yet. So your encouragement makes making the jump to non-online life even easier. Which makes you all so much more special to me.
You never know when just a hello could change a day or even a life...take the time to do the small things for others, you never know when it could mean the world.
So right now, as I type, I am sitting at my grandma's house after eating, ahem, more than my share of Prime Rib and watching an IMPRESSIVE Packer win against the Lions. I didn't get a lot of sleep before working at 6am this morning so I decided to log onto the blog in an effort to stay awake longer.
This will sound lame, but I need to get back on a bedtime schedule. Routine produces sleep if you are me and there hasn't been much routine in my life....or sleep, as a result. So I am going to try really hard to stay up until my bedtime, even though I could go to bed now and sleep until my alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning. Really, I could. So as part of my desire to be a healthier person this year this is the first step I am taking. I work 6a-2p. Or 3p. Or 6p. Depending on the day. :-/ So I really need to start getting more rested so I don't face plant in exhaustion at some point. I am pretty darn close at this point. Another couple weeks like the last week or two and I will be done for.
I think the important thing about striving for a healthy life is that health is holistic. You can't focus on just one area and expect your whole outlook to change. Look at my life with me for a second. I get an average of about 5hours of sleep per night. I work over 35hours every week. I don't eat that much, rarely breakfast...sometimes lunch. Most of the time I end up eating one huge meal a day. And I normally go for FAST instead of health. I don't exercise besides my very physically demanding job (that my body has become used to...most days). I complain about my stomach. I complain about my zits (seriously, c'mon...I am almost 25 here!) I am tired all the time. I complain about my joints. And, oh yes...I complain about my weight.
But the thing is I can't just make one change and be looking for miraculous results. Like change #1...the sleep schedule. Sure, I would be a lot more awake. I would maybe be more relaxed at work and at home. But my life wouldn't really change all that much.
Or adding change #2...quitting Mountain Dew. This will be a hard one for me. I mean, stopping at Kwik Trip is part of my routine a lot of mornings. I am soooo addicted to the stuff. Going on a sleep schedule and successfully quitting Mountain Dew will help me feel better. I think Dew gives me stomach aches and really messes with my body so theoretically I will feel a lot better once I do quit. Sugar is also really bad for your joints, so it could help that as well. But people always tell me "Dude. Just quit Mountain Dew...you'll loose 20lbs. Easy Peasy." Dude. There is nothing easy peasy about loosing weight. Sure, quitting something like Dew that is bad for me WILL help, but it is NOT a cure all or a quick fix.
My first two changes of 2012 will for sure help me. But I just wanted to take a second today to remember that this is a long term journey, filled with many MANY changes. These are just the first two. The first stepping stones. And they both will be hard for me. But you know what they say...Sometimes the hardest things prove to be the most worthwhile. And while these things will NOT mean the end of the war, they are two battles that I will hopefully be able to look back and remember. And I will eventually be able to move on to the next battles. Eventually the war will be more won than not, but right we are just at the beginning.
What kind of changes are you inspired to make this New Year? As I grow older, I am growing to believe more in the concept of change than the idea of resolution. Sure I could make a list of very specific goals that I could tell all of you. But what happens when, at the end of 2012, I have to look at that list and realize that I have fallen short? I really struggle with feeling defeated sometimes and I definitely don't want to walk myself right into those feelings. But if I commit to change my life instead of achieve specific goals perhaps next New Years Eve I will be able to look at where I am right now and say, "You know what? I have changed." I have ideas right now of where I would like to be, but I am choosing not to focus on the maybes but on the possibilities. I could do or get or achieve a lot of things if I really set my mind to it. But I will also be able to achieve, get, and do perhaps even more if I learned how to make decisions that will holistically support living a healthy life, making good decisions and having my priorities right.
Happy 2012!! Focus on the possibilities.
Wait...isn't that a car ad? Oh well, not changing it now! :)
Hi! I am a newlywed and newly-moved to Central Illinois! Follow me and my blog as I begin the journey as a wife and adjusted to my new surroundings. I can't wait to get back into blogging after a break for wedding craziness! Read about my walk with the Lord, my love of fashion and crafting, cooking...basically everything! I love to write and try new things...join me for the journey!
