Friday's Fancies: White Hot

fridays fancies: white hot by tonsofsomething featuring vintage style necklaces

Okay, so funny story about white. I went down to see my boyfriend a couple weeks ago...and ended up bringing all white tops! I didn't even realize it. I just wanted to bring all my "cute outfits" (Girls, you know what I am talking about!) and before the trip they all happened to include white! So, I obviously don't buy into the old "Don't wear white before Memorial Day!" thing, lol. It goes without saying thought that I will be more colorful when he comes up next week, lol. :)

I am really into accent colors right now. So once I saw this dress it was basically a matter of trying to decide what accent color to go with. The lace called for girly...so I went all out and PINK today! I like pink, but it has all but disappeared from my wardrobe lately...how did that happen! I must rectify that situation soon. Trip to the Goodwill, anyone?? :) Goodwill is my favorite way to change up my wardrobe and add new fashionable elements that I normally wouldn't at a "real store," things like colored shoes, bright or "odd" colored accessories or crazy tops I just wouldn't pay full price for. I love thrift shopping and have gotten quite good at it. For example, for this particular outfit I would probably buy the dress at a normal store and then go to a thrift store for most, if not all, of the other elements of the outfit.

Have you guys had luck thrift store shopping (or sometimes...hunting, as I like to call it)? I swear they hate me at Goodwill, my method of shopping is to try on everything that I think at least has the potential of being cute. Which means I am often trying a LOT of clothes and maybe buying a few of them! I feel bad when I hang everything else up on the return rack. What are you methods for shopping, thrift store or otherwise?

Operation Resolution: May

Omygosh it's the end of May already??? How did that happen?? Crazy. I feel like I may have said that at the end of every month so far...this year is just going crazy fast for me! And yet, the days feel like they never end. Time is a silly business.

Anyhow, here goes. 

Think Positively

May has been a good month, mostly. I think the "peace of God" has been a common theme in this category. It has been so cool to see how the Lord  has been working in my life in this area. I went on a mini vacation to Illinois to see my boyfriend it was so refreshing to get away from Wisconsin and life here for a little bit. It was such a wonderful time for me.  

I have still been dealing with some medical stuff and I actually finally had an appointment with a specialist this week. And I had an emergency dental procedure this week as well. It's been pretty crazy. In spite of everything going on I haven't gotten too overwhelmed with the problems or the incoming bills. I just know that God will see me through this all and He will provide for my needs. I guess my positive thinking is totally based on my reliance on the Lord.

Exercise Daily

Again, no. I think my monthly goal for June is going to be exercise related just because it is something I need to get more motivated to do. I am still losing/not gaining back weight from being sick, so it isn't about weight loss as much as it is about being healthy and active for me. 

Eat Healthy

Well, because of my health issues my appetite still hasn't been amazing. I basically eat about one "real" meal a day and then snack on what looks good when the mood strikes me.. I don't do that because I am trying to diet or whatever, I'm not. I just am not hungry enough to eat a well rounded diet. It's been really hard and really frustrating at times. I have a surgical test next month and hopefully I will be able to get some answers and advice after that as to how to get better. 

Work Hard

May has definitely been a month for working hard. I worked a lot of hours this month so it's been kinda crazy. It was nice to have that balance of working hard and taking a break with going down to Illinois. So while I did work a lot, I don't exactly feel like that is all I did...which is very refreshing. There isn't much worse than coming to the end of a month and thinking that you didn't do anything besides work! 

Stay Strong

I think a lot of my strength this month came from learning how to find joy inside of the hard or the not ideal. My pastor once said that "Happiness depends on happenings...joy depends on Jesus." That truth is really coming to light in my life. I do have a lot in my life to be happy about. But because of Jesus I have a lot MORE to be joyful about. That joy is more important than happy, pain or worry. I have been clinging to that joy a lot, especially on the hard days.

Worry Less

Despite the troubles I had this month, I didn't find myself worrying all that much. I guess part of it is that I was so busy I didn't have time. I have been trying really hard to fill my time with worthwhile things so I don't have a lot of "down time" to think and dwell and all that jazz. It has been really helping me to fill my time. It has also been amazing to know that I have the prayer and support of the people in my life as well. 

Dance More

I think that One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" was my favorite song to turn up loud and car dance to this month. Half the month I had no idea who sang it...it was kinda funny because some friends on facebook were all like "Omygosh, I LOVE New Direction" and people were talking about the band on Twitter...I was like 

And then one day I heard that this song was One Direction and I was all like, "Oh, I understand now."

The song is just peppy, fun and totally good to turn up loud and sing along to. :)

Love Often

There is a lot I could share here, but I don't really want to say too much because I like keeping the private private. I will say that I am learning a lot about love in ways that are new and exciting to me. I cannot find find the words to express what it is like to have someone care about me and to have the joy of caring in return. I am so happy. But the important thing is the joy that we share in the Lord, He is the basis of our relationship and I treasure that more than anything else. 

Be Happy

I was a pretty happy girl this month! My trip to Illinois was wonderful and I have a lot in my life to be happy about. But the thing I am learning that having the joy of the Lord in my heart and flowing through my life is what matters. That joy supersedes anything bad that can come in my life and brings me such great peace. I am trying to to get better at holding onto the peace and joy and not let the happenings of my life take my eyes off the Lord. He is more important than anything in my life and I need to keep my focus on Him.

Goal

I think my goal for this month is to try to make an effort to be more active outside of my physically demanding job. Whether this is by going to the gym, riding my bike or taking a walk it is my goal to do something once a week. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but it is more than I am doing now so it will be improvement. I also don't want to over-commit because of how weird my health has been. So it is an "easy" goal, but it is a goal nonetheless. :)

Sounds like Camping!

So music is crazy! Those who know me know that I am always singing or having some song stuck in my head. I have always loved having music playing and singing along. When I was younger I was convinced I sounded exactly like Amy Grant while I sang along with her hits. I, ahem, did not. But I guess that is a story for another day, lol.

Growing up we did not listen to anything besides Christian music in my family. Unless we were camping. The Christian station did not reach up there yet so we listened to the soft-rock station. This post is not going to turn into a debate on Christian v. Secular music...I said that just as a little background fact to my life. It is what it is.

Anyway because I only listened to the soft-rock station while camping I have so many songs in my mind that I associate with camping just because it was the only time I heard them. I have been thinking a lot about camping lately and as it is the start of the summer I thought now would maybe be a good time to share some potentially giggle-worth songs that I will forever love as my camping soundtrack. Keep in mind, I grew up in the 90's. AND that the station we listened to was Soft-Rock. Hardcore, all the way. ;)

This is one of my classic "this sounds like camping" songs. 

I feel like they played this a lot while camping...it always made me smile. 

It also made my family roll their eyes.

This song started my long (and, ahem, somewhat still alive) love of Celine Dion. *sigh*

Even I did not think I sounded as good as her. Even in my mind. :)

Oh yeah, lol. My cousins came from California one summer and the girls had an intense love of Hanson. I can not hear this song without thinking of that camping trip. Pretty sure this song or any of the other Hanson songs were on almost the whole time. Ahhh, memories.

What?!? *shocked* How did Shania get on here?? I never liked Shania.

Sure, that's true. Not. I will say I grew out of her though, thank goodness!

Okay, so this is the song that made me want to share the other ones.

I stumbled across it last night while youtube hopping.

This is my all-time favorite "camping song." But I wouldn't hear it often.

I would actually forget about it and then love it all over again every time I heard it.

Isn't it funny that a song can speak to a little girl's heart at maybe less than 10years old and still speak to that same girl's heart at 25years old? 

Do you guys have any songs like that? Any songs that defined parts of your life or childhood? 

I feel like a reader again!

So besides just updating my bookshelf page I don't really talk about what I have been reading. Reading is one of my most favorite things to do. I read a lot in the evenings, after a long day (good or bad) it is a great way to kind of unwind and just kinda quiet my head before bed. And you KNOW it's a good book by how early I start reading it in the day. Or if it gets in my backpack for downtime at work. Lately tv has been kind of annoying for me...even at work...so it's nice to have something to do that doesn't drive me nuts. :) I just wanted to take a few minutes to chat about the books I have read recently or am reading.

Last year I bought and read Francine Rivers' Lineage of Grace series. They are really cool books...what she did is take women from the Bible and dramatized their stories. Lineage of Grace followed the stories of Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba and Mary. I will add my disclaimer here and say that the BEST and most reliable place to read the stories of these women (and men, in Sons of Encouragement)  is in the Bible, but what I enjoy about this is that we see the "human-ness" in these people when you can picture them in their lives and can get glimpses of life in their culture and the emotions that may have been going on within their stories. I started Sons of Encouragement last week. This book (or series of books in one) covers the stories of Aaron, Caleb, Jonathon, Amos and Silas. I am enjoying it so far (I have finished Aaron's story). I think what I have enjoyed the most is that I have been looking up things in the Bible as I was reading the book. Parts of the story of Aaron and Moses that were covered in the book were things I didn't remember so it was neat to go to scripture to verify the facts, I loved that.

I read this book awhile ago but I just haven't really written about it on here and wanted to take the chance to. I loved, LOVED this book. I carried it with me everywhere for like two weeks and it is literally falling apart as a result. I just wanted to keep reading it. The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition was really good, I highly recommend that everyone read it. The premise is that we are all individuals and that as individuals we feel love and show love in different ways. I won't really get into what those ways are, do more research on the website before you read the book if you like...but just read the book. This is the first book I read that made relationships of any kind make sense to me. I learned a lot about myself and about how to relate to others and help them feel valued and love. The website above has a quiz you can take to find out what your personal love languages are and that was really informative for me. Words of Affirmation was my highest scoring language. It really made sense that it was that way because that chapter hit me kinda hard. Like, "oh, I wish someone would say that to me!" or "I totally understand why that hurt so bad." Funny story...not a good book to read while working out. I happened to be on that chapter at the gym and ended up shedding some tears on the elliptical, lol. :) Seriously, read this book. I have wanted to read it for years but was always really "threatened" I guess by the fact that it was written for married people....this version was perfect because it did talk about dating relationships, but it also talked about love within families, friends, work, etc. It was so good. Seriously, read it.

Okay, yes. This is a Bible and not normally included on a reading list like this. But I just wanted to take a moment to talk about this particular Bible and how it is set up. I have been reading my Bible almost daily since the middle of March and it has literally been changing my life. The One Year Bible is set up in daily readings. Each reading has a portion of Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs in it. I love that it is organized that way. It makes it easier for me. My Bible reading has expanded beyond just the readings of the day as I often want to expand on what is included in the reading of the day. It has been such a joy to spend time in and learn from the Bible on a daily basis. It brings up lots of questions, challenges and reassurances for me. Reading the Bible every day is so important, I am sorry that it took me so long to take my own advice and read it...but I am truly glad that I am to the point in my life and walk with the Lord to do it and enjoy it as I do.

The last book I want to talk about tonight is Love and Respect. I started this book in the beginning of the year and just finished it a couple weeks ago. The amount of time it took me to read it is in not an indication of how good it is because, like The Five Love Languages, it made things make sense for me. Yes, this is a book on marriage. It is a book that my friends and I talked about last year and I have wanted to read it ever since...so I did. If you are married or ever want to get married I highly recommend this book. It is so good. It really made the idea of a Christ centered relationship/marriage make sense to me. So often I hear that term, but no one ever really explained what that looked like to me. This book did that, I am so glad I read it...even if it may have been weird for me to read it, being unmarried and all.

Alright, well. I hope you enjoyed tonight's glimpse at my bookshelf! What are you reading? I would love some more books on my "Need to Read" list. After I finish Sons of Encouragement there is nothing on the backburner...I would love your recommendations!!! :)

Some kind of beautiful.

Okay, so I have a confession to make. Anyone remember that Project 31 thing I started awhile back? Well, in theory I love the idea of doing all those blog posts. But...I hit a road block. Number three tells me I should post a picture. Of me. In my favorite outfit. That is a pretty big road block for me.

You see, there are precious few pictures of me past the age of, I dunno, ten years old that I actually like to look at. Let alone show people. Let alone post online for the whole world to see.

Yes, I know. I know that I am beautiful because that is how God made me. I know that. I just have a lot of trouble believing it sometimes. I wish that wasn't true. I really wish I was confident in every area of my life and this wasn't a struggle for me. But it is.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about that. This week I have tried on a TON of clothes. A ton of clothes that looked really cute on the rack...and then not so cute on me. As I tried on outfit after outfit and looked in the mirror time after time I tried to see myself as other people see me. I tried to see myself as confident and pretty. I tried to, but I couldn't. I have someone in my life now that sees me. Someone that sees the real me. I wish I could see the real me. Which sounds confusing, I know. I guess what I am trying to say is that I wish I could look in the mirror and see the woman who is confident and bubbly and happy, the woman that I am. But somehow, put a mirror in front of me and that all *poof* goes away. It's just the way it goes. Like, how do you change that anyways? Any pointers?

Okay, so all that is not quite what I was planning on writing about when I started this. I have been led to this topic tonight because I stumbled on some posts about modesty today. The posts I found talked about how our choices as women when we choose the clothes we wear need to be all about how we see ourselves without concern for the people, namely the men, around us. The posts were all about how we can wear whatever we want, modest or not, and not have to worry about what it says about us. Well, as I am sure you can figure out...I disagree with that idea.

In my mind, clothes are kind of like the cover of our book. Anything can be written on our pages. It can be great. It can be hilarious. It can be sad. It can be inspiring. It can be anything. ANYTHING! But see, our books need a cover so people have even a small indication of what is inside of us. Or an indication of what we want people to think is inside of us.

I think that as a Christian I should be held to a higher standard of modesty. The Lord lives inside of me and I  feel like that needs to be taken in to consideration when I think about how I represent myself. When I represent myself I am representing my Lord because He is a part of my life. All areas of my life...every single area of my life...needs to reflect that.

The blogs on modesty that I read tonight were written by Christian women who were, in my opinion, missing the point of modesty. Their point was that they should be able to wear whatever they want because they shouldn't be held responsible for how men saw them. It wasn't their fault that men could potentially be lusting after them because of their appearance. That is true, to a point.

As a Christian, I would never want to be a stumbling block for others. That is something I have taken in to account as I have developed my stand in this area. BUT the main issue, in my mind, is that I am supposed to be a representation of the Lord. I want my life, all areas of my life, to reflect that. I want people to look at me and see a woman who loves the Lord. That is the beauty I want to emulate. I want to glow with love for Him. I don't want the clothes I wear to take away from that glow.

I am not gonna say that I don't like being told I am beautiful. It is one of my most favorite things to hear. When I hear those words spoken genuinely to me it is a reminder that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That is such an encouragement to me because so often the enemy goes after me in that regard. Like I said before, I wish this wasn't a struggle for me. But, c'est mon vie. Someday I hope to see myself through the eyes of those who see me as me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have faith that I will make it to the point in my walk with the Lord where my reflection in the mirror will tell me that.

I guess my point in talking about this all today is to tell you that YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have been sculpted by a God who loves you and sees you as beautiful. You do not need to conform to the status quot to be beautiful. Beauty is how God created you and has nothing to do with the clothes you put on. A person with confidence could be beautiful in a gunny sack. Not that you will see me sporting a gunny sack but you get my point, I hope. True confidence comes from inside and the beauty that comes from confidence kind of bubbles up and flows out. That beauty, that true beauty, comes from understanding that we are made in God's image. It comes from understanding His love for us. It reflects the joy that He gives us. He intends us to be a reflection of Him. Yes, we are very much an imperfect reflection...but God's beauty is beyond comprehension. Even a smidgen of His beauty is better than anything we could imagine. That is the beauty He sees when He looks at us.

And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

~Matthew 6:28-29~

TWO HUNDRED!!!

OMYGOSH...it's a crazy day in my neck of the woods. I am sitting here writing my 200th blog post!! That is crazy to me! Pure, unadulterated CRAZY. But...crazy good nonetheless.

Before I continue, I want say that the thought of  "maybe post number 200 could/should be my last one" did cross my mind. I have a lot going on in my life right now, more than ever before, and I don't want to really become a daily-life blogger. I don't want to get on here and write about how so and so and I did this and tomorrow I am doing that. It's just not me. And I don't like the idea of bringing my personal life online. I don't mean any disregard to daily life bloggers. I follow some of them...but it's just not me. I am a writer. I like to reflect on my life and the things that the Lord is teaching me and share that with you. I don't want this to be a captain's log of my life. That is what my journal is for. That is where I record the moments in my life and my more intimate thoughts. I don't want this to become my journal. It has been kinda hard to blog just because I want to be all like "OMYGOODNESS, check out what is going on in my life!" instead of taking time to actually write.

BUT BUT BUT this is NOT my last post! I thought about it and this blog is the second biggest picture of my ability to follow through with something. (The first being my Associates Degree.) And I am not willing to walk away from it. Today I am choosing to see this blog as an achievement. I have come back to the same thing 200 times and chosen to keep going. Yes. There were breaks, sometimes quite long ones. But I always came back. The fact of the matter is that I love to have an outlet to write. I love to know that someone somewhere out there is reading what I, Kayleigh Nikolai, wrote. I like that a lot.

I sometimes get down on myself and wish that I could write something. "Oh, if only I could write a book." is a thought that goes through my mind quite often. And yes, I know that I could write something if I really wanted to...but the fact of the matter is I am writing something. And people are reading what I have to say. I love when my readers respond to what I have to say...but even when I don't hear from anyone I like to look at my stats and see views. Someone in the great somewhere read the words I wrote. Before I started this blog I didn't have that. I do now. I like that.

It's not just the writing itself that makes me write this blog. I have learned so much about myself and my life and my decisions as I write. I have been convicted to the core by some of the things the Lord leads me to write. I have grown in my hunger for Him so much in the past several months and this blog has had a lot to do with that. He has really used it to prick my heart and remind me to look to Him and for the first time in my life...I have greatly responded to the prick. Sitting here right now I am a completely different person because of the work of the Lord in my life since I started this blog years ago. I am so thankful that my eyes have been more fully opened to that lately and that I am able to respond in a way that shows my love for Him. I am thankful for the changes in my life and the wonderful things that have come as a result. Right now I am more content than I have been before. That isn't because my life is a bowl of cherries. There is a lot of complicating things in my life. There are a lot of wonderful things, but there are other things that have me crying myself to sleep some nights. But I am content because I have the Lord. There is no other reason why I can find myself consistently sitting in my lonely apartment at the end of a long day and have a smile on my face and peace in my spirit.

I made the decision to continue this blog for those reasons. Because I love to write and because I want to continue to learn and grow while writing. I want to continue to be able to go back and look at my own blog to re-read the things the Lord has been teaching me so that I can learn the lessons again if I need to or didn't get it right the first time. God is so good and He has proven Himself to be faithful to me. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to prove myself faithful to Him. I want this blog to point people who stop by and read it to Him. He is what is important. What I have to say is not so important all the time...but the One who has planted the thoughts in my head is. I have a lot of fun with my blog but I am going to strive to keep a stable balance of fun (Friday's Fancies, anyone?) and serious...I don't want it to be one sided in either direction. But at the end of the day, if you think I talk about Jesus too much on my blog....well, I'm not gonna lose any sleep.

Thank you so much for reading my blog! Very few, if any of you, have been with me since the beginning of my blogging adventure. But you are here right now and that means the world to me. I hope you stick with me on this crazy journey the Lord's got me on and that this blog is around for a long time to come!

Commenters! I love you. Over the past several months your support, encouragement, friendships, hellos and advice have made my day time and time again. You have played a large roll in my sticking with this blog. It is so much more fun to write when you have friends that reply to what you say consistently. I need to get better at returning the favor! I apologize for my lacking in that area...I hope to get better at it in the near future. If you would like a follow from me...just shoot me a comment saying "Dude, check out my blog!" or something. I would love to expand my blog roll! :) I love to read almost as much as I love to write.

Again, thank you so much to anyone reading this for being even a tiny part of this blog. I pray that this blog at times makes you laugh, encourages you, commiserates with you, challenges you and that it points you to the Lord more often than it does anything else!

Joy.

That truth is literally become my "mantra" this week.

I am holding on to the truth that it is God's joy that I need...not my happiness.

Times are hard sometimes.

Things don't go the way I want them to sometimes.

Things aren't as easy as I want them to be sometimes.

The joy of the Lord is there to be my strength ALL the time. 

His joy is what I need to be content.

His joy is what I need to feel hope. 

His joy is what I need.

Operation Resolution: April

Well, today I totally had an "Omygosh, it's MAY?!?" moment. April went by really really fast! So I guess it is time for the monthly resolution post! How do you like the new banner for it? I am loving the colors. As far as the blog theme itself...I think it is time for another change. If I find something I am content with I keep it for a long time...but you may see some changes as I try to find another theme I really like. I was using picnik for editing but since that went away I have been struggling to find an online photo editor that I like as much. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to get Photoshop Elements A LOT...but it just isn't in my budget right now. :(

Okay, anyway. Back to the topic at hand. The monthly resolution post. While I enjoy doing this to keep track of my year...this is a really long and putzy post to write. A labor of love, I guess...

THINK POSITIVELY
This month was...crazy. Sometimes bad crazy, sometimes really good crazy. But it was crazy. I basically started the month by getting really sick. It was almost to ER level sick...but then my mom told me about the deductible I would have to pay so I managed to wait until morning. It was pretty bad. It was basically an attack on my GI system, the doctor's haven't yet found the cause for it. I have lost 15lbs without really trying (although...let's be honest, I'm not complaining about that) and that has just continued to show me that there is something going on. I feel better for now, I'm not in pain anymore which is totally something to be thankful about. But it is hard not to get frustrated with not getting back to normal. I just don't feel "right" all the time...if that makes sense. In spite of all that stuff going on I really learned a good lesson about the peace of God this month. I was able to continue to think positively because I knew the Lord was with me, even when things got hard or exciting or gave me reasons to be anxious. I found myself content to wait on the Lord and what He has for me. I don't exactly know how I got to that point...it is a total and complete God thing. I am so thankful that He is stronger than I am on my best days and that I can rely on Him to have and be everything that I need!

EXERCISE DAILY

Hahaha. No. Actually though I did have a really big victory this month. We have a fake mountain in town. It's a big hill, technically. But it's totally a mountain to us Sconnies! ;) Well, anyway they have a path from the bottom to the top. I have tried TWICE before to walk up it and always failed. I have never been able to make it up. I would stop half way and feel like dying. LAST WEEK I MADE IT UP!! I am so proud of myself. I wish I was more physically active though...I hope with summer quickly on it's way that fact will change. 

EAT HEALTHY

This I did okay with this month, but technically it was out of sheer need with being sick. I am not eating all that much right now, but when I am hungry I do my best to make wise decisions as far as what I eat. But there are days when all wise decisions look nasty and I do just have to eat whatever looks good. With being "not quite well" I have been eating about one full meal a day. Which I know isn't a viable long term option, don't worry. It's just that right now I have a low appetite and I know that if I do eat I may get to the point where I don't feel well. Like right now. It's not fun. I'm not staying up all night crying like that first night, but it definitely doesn't feel good and totally doesn't inspire me to eat if I am not hungry. 

WORK HARD

{Yes, I know it's not in the new graphic! Will fix next month!}

This month I have been really trying to focus on using the time that the Lord has given me in a way that honors Him. I am no longer drawn to wasting my time watching tons of tv or movies...it's been quite the change for me! I have been getting things done. It's wonderful! I have been reading, keeping my place clean, working on some writing projects, seeing friends and family, talking on the phone, walking...etc. It's been a great month that way. I feel so productive! I still watch some stuff on TV and a movie every couple days (especially when I am blogging or talking to my bestie...it's Ice Age at the moment.) but I have just been learning that there is so much more to life than just doing that!

STAY STRONG

I think April has been a good month for me to continue to learn about strength and what it means to be a strong person. I have been learning a lot about claiming the Lord's strength for my own when things get hard, I get lonely or it just feels like I reach the end of myself...which happens a lot more often than it used to. Because certain things in my life aren't exactly the way I want them right now I find myself relying on the Lord for my contentment and satisfaction. It is making the difficulties so much easier to face when I don't have to rely on me or things that happen in my life for my satisfaction or happiness. I think that real strength happens when you come to see that there is no strength outside of Jesus. THAT, at least, is the strength I want. 

WORRY LESS

I should be honest here and tell you that despite everything I have said in this post so far I do get worried about my health if I think about it too much. Please pray for me. It is hard and frustrating to have a mystery ailment. And as much as I am enjoying losing the weight, it is showing me that there is something consistently going on...even if I don't feel horrible all the time. I am trying really hard to rely on the Lord in this area, I know that He is faithful to me and He knows what is best for me. He isn't gonna abandon me in this. I just need to remember that...even when it's hard. 

DANCE MORE

I would say that the song of the month is the video I actually shared a couple weeks ago (post found here). "Sovereign Over Us" was a song that they played on Easter at the Young Adults group that I attend. It has really stuck with me ever since then. If you listen, really listen to the lyrics of the song...they are just so good. The lyrics of this song have just really touched me...I have listened to it so many times. It doesn't matter what your life looks like, this song will encourage your heart if you are passionate about living life for the Lord in the knowledge that He is sovereign and in control. If life looks bad or looks good...this song will be an encouragement. I have been trying to listen to it as I have gotten discouraged or overwhelmed this month and trying desperately to cling to the truths that are in this great song.

You are wisdom unimagined, Who could understand your ways

Reigning high above the heavens, Reaching down in endless grace

Youʼre the Lifter of the lowly, Compassionate and kind

You surround and You uphold me, Your promises are my delight.

LOVE OFTEN

I just want to share one thing here this month. The Lord has allowed a large sore-spot in my heart to be healed this month. I am trying to find a way to say this. A year ago I ended a friendship. I made mistakes in how I did it. I did it fast. Without explanation. I thought a clean break would be easier. Yes, it is what I needed...but it wasn't easier. For the past year I have been living with this ache in my heart for hurting the friend that I cared about. This month she called me. We were able to clear the air and I am confident that were I to see here out and about I would be able to see her without my heart feeling so broken I couldn't find words. I am still confident I made the right decision but it was hard having no closure because of the way I handled that situation. While that closure has kind of come to me...it still doesn't completely take the pain away. This girl was my only friend for a very long time. I never really let myself miss her. And after I got that closure, I did. I really missed my friend. God has given me all the grace I needed in this situation. I made this decision because I wanted to become closer to Him and He has greatly, greatly honored that. He has just taught me a lot about healing and about forgiveness. And also, He has shown me that as hard as that decision was and as much as I really did miss my friend, it was the right decision. I would not go back and take back that decision, but I would have tried to do it in a way that wouldn't have led to a year of heartache...which is definitely what it was to me. Sometimes love is about learning that something else is more important than what is easy and what you want. That lesson will hurt your heart sometimes...but a plate once broken is stronger with the mending. The Lord has taught me so much about what it means to be a real friend through this experience of failing at it. I didn't fail at it because I ended the friendship...I failed at this friendship because I abandoned it without explanation. There is no going back and fixing that. Part of me will always be sorry...but most of that hurt really healed this month for me.

BE HAPPY

I still feel so very happy. Despite being sick. Despite everything that comes in my way. I am still happy. God has really been doing a work in my heart. Maybe happy isn't the right word...I think JOY is a closer fit. I think a lot of times you need a reason to be happy...but even when you don't have a reason you can still have joy if you have the Lord. I have some really big reasons to be very happy right now. But even when I feel sick or feel discouraged I can still see the joy of the Lord in my heart. And if it is a bit blurry, the Lord has brought me someone to point it out to me again and to point me to Jesus. I am so thankful for that.

GOAL

My goal for this month is for all y'all! It is my goal to blog at least 10 times in May. I have been kind of lackadaisical towards this in March and April and I need to get back on track!! If there is anything that you guys would like to have me write about...I am open to suggestions. :) I am committed to this blog, lackadaisical behavior or not. Thanks for sticking with me. The friendship and support that you guys give me is such a treasure in my life. The comments make my day! Never underestimate how your actions encourage others...thank you for taking the time to invest in my life!

Review: Snapshot Encounters

Last week I read "Snapshot Encounters" by Bri Poster (you can check her spectacular blog out here. I really recommend giving her a follow too!!) Now, I love Bri's blog, but I wasn't quite sure what to expect with her devotional. I definitely was not disappointed!

The book is meant to be a devotional book read over forty days. For time's sake I basically read it in one sitting. I packed up my book bag and sat up on top of Rib Mountain and read it. Not only was the book itself good, but it was such an encouragement to my heart and led to a great time with the Lord that day. I am an under-liner and I basically underlined and wrote notes on every single page. 

Each devotion is a little snapshot of who God is and uses scripture to help us to understand the Lord and live for Him every day. Bri talks about some heavy things throughout the pages of "Snapshot Encounters," but she did so in a way that made those topics make sense right away. Her style of writing is beautiful, I feel like she is talking to me one on one as I read. I plan to start going through this book again as part of my daily quiet time. I think it will serve as an 'extra' encouragement as I take time to meditate on the truths of the Bible she talks about one by one, every day. 

As a bit of a disclaimer, as good as Bri's book is...the Bible is so much better. You will not get as much out of Bri's book if you are not spending time in God's Word everyday. I recommend Bri's book wholeheartedly (I may even get some for gifts) if it comes down to you reading the Bible or reading a devotional like "Snapshot Encounters" read the Bible! As good as Snapshot Encounters is, the Bible is so much more vital to your spiritual growth. This is something I personally have learned about in the last few months that I have been spending time daily in God's word. Challenge yourself to the same commitment to daily reading! If you already are...get Bri's book. You will love it. It is like a breath of fresh air and a cup of coffee with an amazing friend! 

(A shorter version of this review is live on Amazon. Check it out: Snapshot Encounters)