Well, here we are again. Another month over…crazy, huh? I really don’t want to write this post this time around…but I am, mostly because I don’t want to give up on this project. I have been writing these posts for seven months now. Crazy! I want to do something similar next year, but maybe something easier than writing about all these categories. It’s all fine and good when things are wonderful and I have lots of fun stuff to talk about. But lately things have been a little harder on my end so it’s just more difficult.
I have been dealing with some financial issues lately. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I spent a lot of this last month being scared. I didn’t know how I was going to make ends meet. I didn’t know how I would make it through the month, let alone the year. I spent far too much time thinking about things I don’t know instead of relying on the Lord and on the fact that He has got it all taken care of already. This difficulty is part of His plan for me and my life. This isn’t some mistake God made or something that happened when He wasn’t looking. This is a part of His plan.
I don’t understand that. I don’t even know if I want to right now. But I accept it because the wonderful things that have happened this year happened because of decisions I made in the past. This year is proof to me that God does have a plan behind the “madness” of the things I go through…some really tough things that God has used to bring me to so much happiness that I don’t always know what to do about it. I trusted God before this year, but this year has given me proof I didn’t need that I trust a great God who loves me and has my best in mind.
Yeah, no. Didn’t happen.
Things went pretty well for me in this area in August. The funny thing is that I am an emotional eater. In the past nothing would make me happier on a bad day than cake or a late night Taco Bell run. But now when I “need” to eat stuff like that…I find myself racking my brains trying to figure out what “guilty pleasure” food there is that doesn’t have milk in it. The fact is that there isn’t much out there. That has led to some MUCH better decision making on my part. I did do one really bad slip up a couple weeks ago because I thought I didn’t care if I got sick…well, that cupcake was good in the moment. It tasted darn good, my friend. Omygosh. But I got sick. Really sick…for like four days.
Eating junk food never had good side effects much longer than five minutes after eating them. But those five minutes was important to me. For those five minutes everything else going on didn’t matter. I probably sound like some obsessed food addict talking like this. But the fact of the matter is that I have become a lot more conscious of how bad my emotional eating was and I want to be open about it because I know I am not the only woman out there that struggles with this. But this month kind of showed me that God has offered me victory over this issue. He has offered me victory because the alternative is being really sick. That is proving to be enough for me. I am thankful for that because nothing else has seemed to help. It’s a little embarrassing to talk about this but it is something God has really brought to light within the past month in the area of eating and I wanted to share it with you guys in an effort to be open about it.
My struggles with eating and overeating have definitely changed since being diagnosed as Lactose Intolerant but my little heart to heart with God over emotional eating this month has shown me that they most certainly have not gone away. It’s a hard thing, but it is not an impossible thing to conquer. I serve a great God who cares about every aspect of my life. He cares that this “silly” issue is hard for me. He cares enough to offer me victory over some of them through this diagnosis…I know that He isn’t writing off my current struggles either. He has already offered me victory over them, I just have to claim that victory. Which is easier said than done! Trust me.
Well, I have still definitely been working hard. I have been covering a lot of hours at work and it’s just been kinda crazy. I am also gearing up to start my second job on Tuesday, it is a little overwhelming to thinking of adding MORE work to what I am already doing. But I know I can do it. I prayed for God to provide a solution to my financial issues and this job is it. I have faith that He will give me the strength and endurance to follow through and do both of the jobs to the best of the ability He has given me. I truly believe that He will not give me more than I can handle. I know I can handle this. It is not a forever thing. Life in the foreseeable future isn’t going to be easy but it is the life I have been blessed with and I am going to do the best I can to be thankful for it.
I’ll be working part time second shift at a hotel front desk. I am actually a bit excited because this is a brand new job for me. I love working with people so I think I will enjoy it a lot. I did some training this week and I will start the actual job this coming Tuesday. It should be a good fit for me and the hours just fit perfectly! I am really praising the Lord for this job. I know it is going to be hard to do it all, but God is going to help me through what He has led me to. I have faith in that!
I feel like the more difficulties I run into the less strength I feel like I have, like my strength is being drained instead of growing when I struggle. Sometimes it feels like it is all I can do to get through the day. I get home from work and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep. I don’t feel strong. Not one bit. I feel like I cannot do what I have to do. I have been clinging to the truth that I have God’s strength inside me. It’s like a firework, waiting to go off when I need it the most. An unending supply of fireworks. That is almost what it feels like when that Strength rushes over me, like something huge and something beautiful is happening. His strength is shown to be perfect in my many, many weaknesses. That is really all I can say about that.
This was a hard one for me this month. Worry really is the most worthless of recreational activities. It really is. It just kinda sucks the life out of you. It only subtracts. There is nothing gained by worry. And yet I just can’t seem to stop worrying. I wish I could. Nothing keeps me awake at night like money troubles…and I am not gaining anything by spending far too many nights counting the pennies and dimes that I don’t have. I need to get better at immediately giving my worries over to the Lord when they do come creeping up on me at night. It is something I really need to work on, it most certainly won’t happen without me working on it. I know that much is true.
I know I have shared this song before but it is a song that has brought me tons of encouragement. God would just bring it to mind when I needed to be reminded of the truths in the lyrics.
Love Often & Be Happy
God has been so good to me. My life is so full right now. Despite everything that has gone on in my life in the past few months I am so happy and so full of joy because of what the Lord has given to me. I am so thankful. I feel like I could say that a million times a day and that still wouldn’t be enough. This has been the hardest and best year of my life. I have a lot to get through, but I have abundantly more to be thankful about. My life has been forever changed by this year and every single change has been for the better. Not every change has been easy. But they have all been good. I never dreamed that I would have to face the things I have this year…but it was beyond my furthest imagination that I could look at what is going on in my life and still be so utterly and completely happy at the end of the day. The Lord is so good to me. I am so thankful for His love and grace. He has given me more than I could have ever dreamed of getting. So much joy, strength, encouragement and love have filled the last few months. More than I could ever dream up on my own.